I'm sitting here feeling crappy when I realize.....

I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! Good thing I have class tomorrow night, huh? I need adult interaction NOW! LOL. I love it when I realize that stuff at midnight.

Now mind you I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!! And I've talked to several today, and it was fun, but I need some serious face on time. Yikes! This is why I hate winter. Not enough human to human interaction. Yes, I love you girls, but if all you saw was me and your sister day in and day out...you'd know EXACTLY what I'm talking about!

Glad I got that figured out. The cold's still here, which I am POSITIVE is clouding my judgement, it always does. I'm thankful it's not any worse than it is. I'm just so.....tired. I slept from 630 to 830 tonight. You couldn't have paid me to stay awake. It wouldn't have happened. I'm hoping I'm getting to the point that I'm ready for more sleep. A bunch of hours. In. a. row. Hopefully!!! We'll see.

I totally forgot about my journals until I woke up at 830. The Grammy's were great to type to. I hope they are okay, but it's all turned it, so it doesn't really matter. I need to figure out what reference goes with which slide for my group presentation tomorrow. Yippee. I need to hit the post office, blah, blah, blah, blah. Hopefully I can start filling in my outline WITH references as I go. Then it's power point time. I've never done one before. This could get interesting. Dee said she'd help. She's all about finding the "perfect" colors. I'm all for that. I'm pretty sure I can handle typing in the information. It's going to be a busy week. I need to eat something, but nothing sounds good. I hate that. I know I haven't eaten enough today. *sigh* babble, babble, babble.

Sweet dreams everyone.
Welcome to kick it in the ass Monday!

I woke up AWAKE

I can't tell you the last time that happened!!!! YAY!


Can I get a HELL YEAH!!!!!! (hell yeah!!!!!) thank you!
I thunk up an outline. I love my outline. OH YEAH!!!! Little to amped up to fill it in, but I have the framework baby!!!! Whooot hoooot. The brain really does work better with sleep and time to process. Gee, you'd think I'd KNOW that by now. BRING IT ON!

God, do I love sleep!!!

After staying up most of the night last night, today I crashed and crashed hard. I did get up and get the kids to school. I went back to bed. I got up. I went back to sleep. I got up. Now guess where I'm headed, BACK TO BED. I finally hit the wall. I just hope I can pull out some sleep tonight and end up on a decent schedule. Is that too much to ask? Maybe. We'll see.

I just had too much stuff on my head. I called and made an appt this morning and then slept HARD. Man, do I love to sleep like that. It feels great. I'm still tired. I'm hoping I just hit the wall hard and am not coming down with anything. I don't suppose worrying about it is going to change anytthing, so *POOF* thought change!

I got a big box full of squares to join for Close Knit Hugs. Mags, thanks so much for the beautiful bag, but you KNOW I'll do this for you just for the love of it. I've only done one row tonight of afghan one, but it felt SO GOOD. I sat in the recliner BEAMING. I honestly cannot tell you the last time I was this relaxed.

Then the thoughts of pending school work popped into my head. A week from Monday, I have to have my presentation done. Good. That'll light a fire under my butt. Not tonight, but soon. I feel it coming on. I like to work inspired. What is created is a much better piece, with much more thought and research. I'm having trouble finding good research. Hopefully I'll think of some new words to feed ye olde search engine. I have enough for an average one, but I'd love to find something to make it *pop*. Eh. I still have a week. Hopefully, I'll come up with the organizational outline soon so I can start packing meat on it's bones. At least it's a presentation. I much prefer to talk than to write. Me? HELL YEAH!!! If you've ever met me, you know that ain't no lie!!!

Good luck and have fun Katie!!! She has her ensemble contest tomorrow. She's decided she'd rather not have us attend. I'm so proud of the way she told me instead of playing games trying to keep it from me and then getting mad when I figured it out. MUCH prefer this method. Sure, I'd love to listen, but not at her expense. Ya know, everyone deserves to make choices like that. I hope she has a blast. Somehow, I'm pretty confident that's going to happen.

Nice. I'm sitting here with droopy eyes. I'm afraid to believe it and go to bed. But I'm giving it a shot. What's the worst that can happen....a repeat of last night, and I lived through that, so all is good!!!

MUAH!

UPDATE 1:50: Yep. It's a cold. Hello nosespray.

Well, this isn't good

It's 1:42am up despite the sleeping pill I took at midnight. I'm getting up to take the girls to school. -10 is NOT walking weather. Why do I doubt I'm going to be productive? Yeah. Yuck. This is going to be one dazed drive to school. Lovely on ice. I'm not sure if I should stay up and try to do something, or go back to bed and hope I'll finally fall asleep. Neither sound like a good idea.

It's been a long time since it's been this bad. I am thankful. However, that doesn't make me very happy at the moment. I've tried clearing my mind (still cluttered), I'm listening to a book, but my thoughts are overriding the book. Not good. Well, no matter the reason, I sure hope I resolve it tonight!!! Crazy times.

I thought about watching a movie, but I don't want to. Strange. I don't want to knit either. Even stranger. Who is this new person I'm turning into? For the most part, I like her. Since I've never been a fan of change, maybe that's my problem. Nah. Just too much on my mind, and can't sort it all out. You know, the whole while world of the unknown. It's been so long since I've looked at who I am, I guess I just am questioning every thought I have. Growing pains. As a kid, I always thought they'd end. I guess they never do. I just hope I make the right choices. I have that feeling that I'm spinning my wheels and when they catch traction, I'm going to go flying down the road. Not fond of the wheel spinning...not fond at all. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone on the outside to be able to take a look-see and a listen and say, "Yep, that's what you want"? Nah. But still. There's so much flying around right now that I'm not even sure what's all in the air. I'm such a mental planner....not details, but basic game planner, that this living without a clue or a net is quite difficult. Never been much for marking time.

Yep, I'm totally repeating myself here. Just imagine what's NOT coming off the fingers. Okay. Note to self: baby steps. Make some small, obtainable goal, and go with it. Make it done. One thing at a time. The rest will take care of itself. Okay, somebody WHIP OUT THE CRYSTAL BALL!!!!

Shit. I can't even decide if I should move to the recliner, go back to bed, or sit here and stare at the computer. It doesn't get much simpler than THAT.

Okay, at 2 )in 6 minutes I am going to go to bed, turn the small lamp on and see what happens. If I can't sleep, then I'm just going to have to study. Not sure how I'll retain anything, but if I'm reading journal articles, as long as I can focus to highlight the important points, retention is not required. Maybe I'll stay up til 215 looking for more articles. Why not. What do I have to lose. It's not like I'm sleeping anyway. Right? RIGHT

See. Decisions made, actions to be executed. I can live with that.

{{{HUGS}}}

FACEBOOK DOWN FOR A FEW HOURS???!?!?!?!

You have GOT to be kidding me!!! I can't handle this. Not enough sleep, just paid bills......as if that wasn't stressful enough....somebody asked me if I was nervous about Katie's driver's test. I WASN'T. Now, I am. a. mess.

I talked to the Asst. Prin. who is spearheading the Options program at our local high school. I am so excited. It sounds like I wonderful opportunity. They will have applications available by the end of the day tomorrow. EXCITED. I sure hope Dee gets in. It would be such a good fit. Apparently, parental interest is high. *sigh* We'll see how it goes. Up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down. No wonder I am a mess!!

I tried reading again today. I got three chapters in before I just couldn't focus. I figured I'd pay bills then play on facebook for awhile. GUESS NOT!!!! WTH??? Nope, I'm not mad at facebook at all. I'm aggravated that I am so irritated by it. That, folks, sounds like an addiction. Like I need another one of those. Now what? There is no way I can pop in a movie and knit. I'm way too revved up for that. No, I'm not riding the exercise bike. Why? Because that would be the *SMART* thing to do, and we all know I have a deeply rooted aversion to doing the smart choice!

I guess I'll sit here and stare at the computer screen wishing it would interact with me for a little while and go back to that lovely book. It IS a good book.....it's just getting repetitive. Yep, that happens with non-fiction! I'm just sick of his writing style. The content is good, informative and exactly what I was looking for. Am I picky or what?!?!?

Finally coming down from a crazy afternoon

Well, isn't that just like me to hit send and publish AIR??? What a goof. Hopefully, I'll have that fixed before you laugh too hard at me. However, typing does take TIME. *chuckles at self*

I got some studying done today, but I was still pretty distracted. I hate it when I get like that. Okay, so it's fun....but doesn't do much for production. I must not be feeling the deadline pressure yet. I will. Soon. Very soon. Eh, each bit I muddle through is less I have to do later. Like TOMORROW. or the next day.... good grief!

Dee and I went shopping this afternoon and were both in that cockeyed silly happy watch out world kind of mood. You know, I love those ADHD highs. i don't know what else to call them. Ideas are spewing 1000mph and we're both keeping up. Amazingly crazy. That girl and I are going to get kicked out of somewhere someday. Start collecting bail money. Or psych ward money. We'll be laying in the aisles laughing our butts off when the men in white coats come for us.

When we got home, she was in charge of dinner while Katie took me for a ride in the car. Can I tell you that I totally SUCK as a passenger. It must take practice. It had NOTHING to do with her driving. She's doing great. I felt safe enough not to have to look out the window as if I were driving. She took a couple of lefts without lights at 4:45 and some crazy intersections and did a fantastic job. I'm so proud of her. She was so anxious about getting behind the wheel. She has nothing to worry about except her own mind. It's when she doubts herself that things get dicey. When she's confident, you'd never know that she hasn't been driving long....or very often in my car. Amazing. Someday I hope I can help her realize what an amazing young woman she really is. I'll tell you, I know very few people who've encountered what she has, and have come out the other side golden. It's like watching a sculpture being created. Yes, Dee, you are amazing too....you just get it. I know you're proud of her, too. I promise I'll keep it my secret, though.

Oh, Dee, here's your kudos for today. I've already told you, but I'd like to tell the world. After her first day of classes yesterday for the second semester, Dee realized she was in over her head. Remember, this is second semester FRESHMAN year. She has American Studies, Geometry, Spanish II and Career Exploration. Career used to be a requirement, but became optional this year. Apparently nothing else fit into her schedule, so they put her in that. After two hours of homework last night, she looked up and said, 'there is NO WAY I can keep this up, are you okay if I drop career for study hall?" HELL YES I'm okay. It's an elective she doesn't need. Take the study hall and take care of the big guns. I love that at 14 she can assess her situation, realize the perdiciament she's in, and solve it in the matter of a few hours. That's a lot of inner reflection I didn't have for several years after that!!! We knew when she signed up for classes that it was going to be ugly, but let her go for it. She did. She also realized when it was time to say "HEY, this isn't going to be successful for me" GO GIRL!!!!!

What a day. What a ride. I can't wait to do it again tomorrow!!!!
Give yourself a big hug from me~~~~nobody EVER gets enough huggin'~~~

Oh what a night...

Oh what a lady, what a night! LOL. I love that song. Music is life, in a few minute snapshot. Actually, the lady of my night was my instructor. The weather was less than desirable in my neck of the woods. She let me skype into class so I didn't have to drive through the blizzard warnings. I am so thankful However, I really missed interacting with everyone in the class. What a great group of people.

Today has been an interesting day. I spent most of it frantically going between the weather and the 511 road reports. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid to drive on bad roads, for the most part, I am not. However, several years ago the girls and I got stuck in Iowa after an ice storm. I never want to be in that position again. Thankfully tonight, I parked my butt on the bedroom floor for 3.5 hours and did the virtual classroom thing. I'm telling you, there is something missing when you don't get to be a part of the group. Two presentations were given, and several class discussions were held. Missing out was hard. Hearing was hard, but it was still so much better than sitting in a ditch or recopying somebody's notes. The whole love your child and fill them with heartfelt messages cannot be stressed enough. No child acts out to be a pain in the butt, they are craving the attention they NEED to develop properly. How many times to I fail in my own life? It doesn't matter. What matters are the times I hear myself starting to say something nasty and bite my tongue instead. Then focusing on what they are doing right and filling them full of the love that I do feel. That is what is important. Authentic love, people. That's where it's at. Children aren't the only ones craving this sort of attention. We all are. It's on the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy of needs for a REASON. It is a basic NEED. So then why do we spend so much of our time in power struggles? Why do we feel the need to be right and to have power over another, when all anyone wants is acceptance and love? I do not know. I fall victim to this pattern all the time. I think we all do. Our current society is set up this way. Why? Again, I do not know. I just don't understand. All I can do, is all I can do. What I can do is to do the best by my girls. I hope someday they can see that I've tried. With ever fiber in my body, I have tried. Ahhhhhhhh!

The girls' high school is considering opening a high school within the high school. It is not a good fit for Katie, she needs the structure found in the classroom. Lord knows, she doesn't get structure at home. I think we've finally come to realize that we just operate on two different planes, and that it is okay. We are wired differently. However, I think this might be a good fit for Dee. The concept is that they do not go to many classes. They will have learning objectives that must be met by various projects, test, papers, and whatnot. The 83 minute class period is hell on an ADHD kid. I'm not sure she's organized enough to handle this free form, but that has to be easier to solve than her trying to stay focused and on task in a desk listening to a teacher for 83 minutes, four times a day. I hope this takes off. It also fits in nicely with one of the books I am reading. If I can squander up the guts, I am going to call the asst. principal who is leading up this new program. Just in tonight's lecture alone, I ran across a lot of information that will either help validate this decision or help to make it more successful. Who knows if it'll be taken to heart, but it cannot be if it is not shared. *sigh* Shelly bucks the system again. I don't know better than others, I really don't. I just know differently. Maybe it's from living outside the norm box. All I can say is that the world would be a much less prozac popping place if we could all treat each other like I've been learning about. I ran into a great quote today. Jane Nelsen said "Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Think of the last time you felt humiliated or treated unfairly. Did you feel like cooperating or doing better?" Can I hear the NEVER's bounding throughout cyberland? I certainly hope so. So, then, why is it we DO this? Again, I have no clue.

Is a full societal mental change possible? Anything is possible. Will I ever see it? I hope so, but I'm not holding my breath either. What I DO know is that I can do my best to put it out there as often as possible. Did you see that gauntlet I just threw down for myself? Anybody else in? I hope so. Change has to come from the bottom up, one person at a time. I don't know about you, but I've about had it with power struggles, cut-throat backstabbing and political posturing.

love to you all
{{{hugs}}}
the crazy one

Trying to get the brain flowing

I need to type up my weekly journal, and I'm having problems getting all my brain cells to cooperate. Hopefully babbling here will loosen things up there and get the flow started.

Since I have class tonight, I bet this will be a double post day. BEWARE!!!! LOL. You KNOW you have the choice to read or not. Just thought I deserved a warning label. Most hazardous things do have those disclaimers...so I should to!!! :) I've heard rumors that there is to be blowing snow tonight. Not fun. I hope it doesn't come true. If it does. Nope, not EVEN going there! That'll make for one helluva commute, that's for sure. I heard it from someone who has to pick their mom up from the airport. I've offered to pick her up on my way home. Gee, I'm only going to be 3 miles from there. If the timing works out.....I may have company!! I doubt it, but you never know.

The girls don't have school today. I'm not sure who is the happiest first semester is over. They have both slashed their way through some tough classes, but both will miss parts of their schedule as well. Gotta love life!

Knitting news!!! I finished a sock yesterday while watching football. Man, do I EVER love fiber therapy. It does this body and soul good. Now, I only have the other one to go!! :). I may yet get some finished projects for 2010 yet!

Gayle - I'm working on it. I haven't forgotten. I'm still trying to figure out what would be a good thing to send you. Hang in there.

Argh!!! I still have no idea what I'm going to say in this journal. I HATE it when that happens. I'd rather just read the books right now. Is that a good sign? Possibly. I hate it when I don't know what to say. I had some moments of agreement, some of dissension, and a few ah-ha moments....I'm just fresh out of excitement to get it all down on paper. If I do the journals right, my final 6-8 page paper should be easier. Therefore, I don't want to just throw any old thing down. ARGH!!! Gee, I've said that twice now in a very short amount of time. Do you think I'm aggravated?? Not at all! :D I suppose if I just open up the document and dive in, something will happen. Hopefully it isn't total brain freeze.

Damn, it's windy outside. I'm going to go check the weather forecast, brb. Shit. Here's what I found....Wind Advisory in effect until midnight CST tonight...
Winter Weather Advisory in effect until 6 PM CST this evening...
I spy with my little eye a MESS. Ugh. The wind advisory is more problematic than the winter weather as we're only looking at an inch, but an inch plus what we have BLOWING. U-G-L-Y (you don't need no alibi, you UGLY!!!)

Well, I can't change what I can't change. I'm off to go do what I can. The time has come. I must brain dump with an uncooperative brain. This is gonna be FUN!! LOL

Have a wonderful day!
{{{HUGS}}}


*****This just in******
Statement as of 9:20 AM CST on January 25, 2010


... Blizzard Warning in effect until midnight CST tonight...

The National Weather Service in Twin Cities/Chanhassen has issued
a Blizzard Warning... which is in effect until midnight CST
tonight. The Winter Weather Advisory is no longer in effect.


* Timing... very strong northwesterly winds of 30 to 40 mph... with
occasional gusts of 50 mph will continue into early tonight.

* Main impact... blowing snow limiting visibilities to under one
quarter mile.

* Other impacts... driving will be difficult... especially for high
profile vehicles such as panel trucks and semis.


Precautionary/preparedness actions...

A Blizzard Warning means severe winter weather conditions are
expected or occurring. Falling and blowing snow with strong winds
and poor visibilities are likely. This will lead to whiteout
conditions... making travel extremely dangerous. Do not travel. If
you must travel... have a winter survival kit with you. If you get
stranded... stay with your vehicle.

I have a bunch of four letter words to express my opinion here. I checked for the cities, no warnings what so ever there. Guess it's time to find out if I'm a true Minnesotan yet or not!

A day in the life

I LOVE this song. I have no idea why. I always have, and it would be a safe bet that I will continue until the day I die. It's that whole "woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head" part. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :). (and yes, if it were up to me, this one would stream right into Lucy...)

I slept. Amazing. I love sleep. It's a shame that I don't do it more often!!

I had a busy day. I ran a bunch of errands. After sticking close to home most of the week it felt GREAT. I went used book hunting. I found two, neither of which were on my list, but they are good ones. I bought Positive Discipline and Positive Discipline for Teenagers. So many new books, so little brain space to cram them all in!!! I also read 6 chapters in two different books. Lack of focus still looms, so I'm fighting it the only way I know how....changing topics frequently!!!

I also hit walmart for the staples...toothpaste, catfood, a new toaster. FUN TIMES??? eh. I actually bought one that is big enough for bagels. I usually just buy toasters from the Salvation Army. Really, they last just as long as the cheaper discount store ones at a fraction of the cost. Today, I splurged. Guess I've dug too many bagels out lately, huh?

I need a snack? Any ideas? Me neither. hummmmm, peanuts and bran flakes? Sounds heathy. Maybe I should insert a nutrient today, ya think??!?!?

I'm excited to go to bed tonight. I just downloaded Diana Gabaldon's An Echo in the Bone 50+ hours for my listening pleasure. It's the latest in the Outlander Series featuring Jamie and Claire. I've been reading them for almost 2 decades. Ahhhhhhh, take me away!!!!!!!!!!

Something needs to be said

But I'll be damned if I know what it is. The past 30 hours have been quite painful. You know, I really need a country songwriter. That'd fix EVERYTHING. Then they could tell me the damned ending!!! Wouldn't that be fun.
I
I have been totally unfocused on school work all week. Gonna have to kick that in gear. I really needed to unwind, take a step back and take a fresh look at it. I didn't expect to get sucker punched along the way. Then I didn't need the spin doctor to take it into a whole new orbit. Now the spin doctor is pleading innocence. How is it that no matter what I say or do, I end up being framed as the bully? I'd really like to know how one gets this point in their life. I mean, I know how I got here, and all. Amnesia would be nice, and all, but not overall helpful. I honestly don't know how to get unwound. I suppose time will take care of that as well. Meanwhile.....I have to live. How in the HELL am I supposed to fit that in? I guess I'm not, which might be the goal. I'm not threatening if I don't live. But guess what? That's what I need to do. Go figure.

I hesitate to put this out there in the universe, because I'm sure it's going to resurface in my daily life, but it's hard to have your outlets stopped up. Do I really have to go find a new outlet? REALLY? It's hard to live without respect. Hell, life is hard enough without games. I cannot imagine the level of insecurity that drives a person to shove another down so hard. What do they really gain? Short term, I can see it, but long term? All I see in the long term is loss. It's quite sad.

I hope I can rest tonight and find something that resembles peace. Today has been raw emotion all the time. That wears me out like nothing else. Which, I guess was the point. First, disarm. I just don't see how I'm a treat or how I'm scary. I suppose I don't deserve to know that either.

Guess it's time to pick up the pieces of self and start gluing it all back together again. How many times can you do this until there is nothing left to glue? I hope I never find out the answer.

Note: This place is so helpful. I got off of here, went upstairs, closed my eyes for about 5 minutes, opened them, decided on my outline order, got up and typed the slide show version and the hand out one.....in less than 30 minutes. Thank you ALL for letting this be such a safe haven and a way to regroup. Who knew??!?!!? I'm such not the journal/diary keeper type. RANDOM!!!

~MUAH~

On facebook, a friend of mine posted a quote

"Sometimes you may not realize the power of your words; power to heal, power to wound, to build up or to tear down, to make a person feel valuable or worthless."

Ronald P. Hutchcraft


This is so going into my presentation. This is a conerstone truth that we all should remember in all of our relationships, but most of all, with our children. How do we expect them to grow up into confident, loving, compassionate, motivated and well centered adults if we don't heed these very words. Home should be a safe haven. We all know how nasty the world can be. How can they grow into their own power if we continually knock it down...... How are they going to learn to treat others with respect if we don't show them what it looks like? That's a pretty tall order to fill for anyone, much less a child. Sometimes it's just takes a sentence to remind me of what is more important.

YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!! I love my life. Statements like that make me want to go out into the world and hug every single person...if not physically, then with my worlds.

Let's fight the hate and anger with love and compassion!!!

Winter Wonderland

The fog that has surrounded my mind the last two days has lifted...but it sure is sitting outside my door. LOOK at how beautiful this is!!!! I LOVE IT!!!! I am also very thankful I don't have to drive on it. Check out that top picture. We put out the mail last night, and even it has crystalized fog on it. I know, winter is a pain in the ass, but it's s BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!

The past couple of days I have felt awful physically. I have no idea what's going on, nor does it really matter. It's abating....hopefully continually!!!!! Despite feeling like dog meat, I'm in a MOOD today. I'm ready to kick ass and take numbers. Seems like it's been forever since I've felt like this, and probably has only been a few days, but I am AMPED. I doubt I totalled 3 hours of sleep last night, and I'm sure I'll crash sometime fairly soon. HOWEVER I'm going to kick it UP until I crash. I did a rough bullet point of my part of the presentation this morning. Having focus always helps! I want to sand off some rough edges and write two more copies....one more general for the powerpoint, and one more detailed to hand out and to remind me of the point I want to make. I so much prefer presentations to papers. At least when talking you can SEE if people are getting it. (Hey! Bur are you gettin' it? Really gettin' it OH, come and get it from me - Thanks Def Leppard!!) See, I am AMPED. I am off to ride the exercise bike. Yep, you heard me correctly. Right? I'm going to ride this adrenaline or whatever until it's done. LOVE IT!!!!

'Cause the best is yet to come!!!!!
SING IT!!!!!!
~muah~

Congrats Gayle!!!!

Alight, Gayle won the impromptu contest. WTG Gayle!!! Please contact me with your snail mail and I'll get something out. :)

Thanks for posting Jane and Mary Lynn. You made me smile.

LIFE IS GOOD!!!

Two, only TWO...really??!?!?!?!?

Only two people have commented on yesterday's 300th post. There's still time to go back there and comment for a small prize to celebrate my 300th post. Wait, wait, WAIT. I know the problem... stop throwing rotten tomatoes at me only makes your screen messy!!! You should know better than that!! So what are you waiting for? Get your butt over there and comment. You never know, I might even find something you like to send out. Who knows? But that's the FUN. This is January people. We all know what a fun-sucking month this can be. Surprise yourself with the opportunity for a bit of joy in the mail. Geez, those uptight bills need someone to show them the way out of their repression!

I've had a busy lazy day. Ever had one of those? They are my favorite. Of course, I'd rather be awake during the day and sleepy at night, but as the Stones say, "you can't always get what you want, but you just might find, you get what you need." True enough! Besides, I wouldn't be me if I did things the "normal" way. HA!!! I'm embracing the quirkiness that is MINE!!!! I have to, I live with it *grin*

At any rate, I got my journal typed up and submitted for class. That pretty much sums up my day unless you'd like to count sleeping, hanging out on facebook and adding odd comments whenever they pop in my head (and mafia wars! addicted) and napping. This evening, I watched 24 (yay Jack Bauer!), finished up more mop covers, listed them on etsy and published the pattern for a smaller fee than the one found on etsy on Ravelry. I highly doubt that made sense to anyone besides me!!! OH well. Can you tell the lack of calls is killing my bank account? Yeah, me neither ;p.

The girls have tomorrow off from school...and I do as well. Yet, I bet I find myself cranking up the heat on that research. I need to. Time to set the search on BROIL. I just need to focus and commit (yeah, I used those two words to describe me and an action....laugh, just laugh, it's all good) and slash and burn through it. *runs from the idea kicking and screaming* I also need to do SOMETHING fun with the girls. I'm fresh out of ideas tonight. Hell, I've been fresh out of ideas for so long, I should be saying stale out of ideas. Maybe I'll wake up with an incredible idea. What I SHOULD do is head up to Aldi's and buy some food. They already went across the street from there today to go to A&W. I highly doubt a run 3x that far to get White Castles is smart......Heeeeyyyyyyy, there's a chick fil-a not far from the Aldi's in 'kato. Nah. Maybe we'll all sit here and be bored and CALL it fun. We'll just have to wait and see.

Go leave a comment on yesterday's post. As the Illinois Lottery used to say, "you can't win if you don't play"

MUAH!
me

HEY! Post 300, that was a smile tonight.

I made it through 7 hours of classes. I really didn't think I could do it. I only have to make it 4 more times. *YIKES* That's some painful stuff. I can tell you one thing, I was NOT made for sitting and listening all day. Good things to know. Shelly's not going to have that kind of job. Nope. Well, I wouldn't have it for long, anyway. I'm thinking people would frown upon paying me to sleep. And that's about how it works. This instructor is great about giving us breaks to move around and changing up things. I would never make it otherwise. Thank you Tina!!!!

I came on here to post as my usual brain dump so I can go to bed without mulling stuff over. That's a situation begging for a bad night's sleep. Very not wanted. Then I saw that this was post 300. I like nice round numbers like that. They make me smile. It's a milestone that isn't really a milestone.

Tell ya what, I'll have an impromptu contest. I'll use the random number generator for everybody who posts on this blog (the big number 300 one) and send ya a little giftel. I'm not talking anything spectacular, just a small token of appreciation in celebration of a nice round number. Sound good? It does to me. I think the usps will like the idea as well. When does this end? Soon, or I'll forget. How does sometime Monday sound? The girls have the day off of school, and it'll be something fun to decide then.....so post em up people!!!

Nothing in particular is on my mind. Just trying to figure out this whole new student routine. Tomorrow I need to pick up a book from the library and type up my every other week journal. I did last weeks.....and I jotted down "ah ha" moments in the book I was reading and in my notes. All I have to do is a seek and find mission. Hopefully my mind will be up to reflect upon it. I like to do that, but I'm still to brain fried to even consider it right now. Tis all good. This week will consist of retyping my notes, more reading and more research. I need to compile my stuff for the group project and get it to the PowerPoint Princess. What a great woman...she WANTS to do the power point. GO for it, I say!!! I'd also like to find a book or two for my own presentation so I can get to reading/skimming them. I hope something has been written on my topic. I'm covering children and the competition in sports. I have a few journal articles. I have also found a few articles. It would be nice to read something meaty on the subject. If anyone knows anything......HELP ME!!! LOL. Let me know, I'd appreciate it.

Other than that, it's just the same old, same old stuff. I'm excited. It's supposed to get above freezing tomorrow. I sure hope it does. I'd like to hit the car with the sprayer at the car wash. There's a LOT of road residue on it. However, not at the expense of freezing the doors and windows shut. I HATE that. BAH!!!!! That can be a nightmare for weeks. Not cool by me.

Hope y'all are having a great weekend.

x's and o's
S

after a great high,

a big low usually follows. I was dragging butt all day today. Here is is 121 am, and I'm awake *sigh* Nice to know that some habits die hard.

I have nothing to say, just hoping that emptying my brain will bring sleep. The sad thing is that I don't think there's much on my mind. I'm listening to the end of The Dome by Stephen King. It's been a good book, but I don't think I'm going to like the end. I usually don't, but I like the rest of the story, so hate the endings, I will do.

I need to be productive tomorrow. I need to do more research and sort through it so our group can get a better plan together Saturday. How on EARTH am I going to sit through an 8 hour class? Talk about OUT OF CHARACTER. Yikes.

Today has been a bit tumultuous. I think that I do not like drama. People are crazy. I of all people understand that, but WOW. What a mess.

Such as life, huh.

Well, I know nothing to type and I'm still not anymore tired than when I started. I'm gonna be fun to deal with tomorrow.

Regardless, have a good one!

{{{hugs}}}

Insanity can be defined by doing the same things over again

and expecting different results. That's why I went to bed again tonight at 10:30. We all know that I really wanted to stay up until 230am as is the norm when I do that. Ah well. Such as life. I can't expect to get to sleep if I don't go to bed, right? Hello conundrum. Seems like I like life this way, don't you think.

Yes, what's happening in Haiti is horribly sad. Donate if you feel led. Yes, there is a universe outside of my head, or so I've been told. However, it's more self discovery time. Most growth does happen in spurts, and it looks like I'm in another one.

I'm reading The Mindful Brain by Seigel right now. Deep stuff, yet amazingly simple. I'm only about a quarter of the way in, so I'm sure I don't have the full picture. The concept is to become mindful of your brain. YA THINK?!?!?! Yep. I think. By letting go of expectations becoming more aware of ALL your senses (this includes thoughts) and turning inward, we can more closely experience our lives. I know you know that overdrive feeling or the one of being on auto-pilot. This of this as the anti-pilot theory.

I thought I'd play around with this concept today. Live in the moment. How MANY MANY times have we heard it? I don't know about you, but I didn't understand HOW to do it. (note: common theme with me...the 4w's, I'm good, but throw in the good old H-ow, and I'm lost) I stopped. I listened to my body, my breathing, my mind. I then went about my day, trying (but rarely succeeding) to be in each moment instead of being all wrapped up in the clutter in my head. (and if you KNEW what was all up there, you'd freak.....I can easily juggle at least three things at one time) What happened was startling. I cried. Yes, me. I cried. The first one was triggered by a song on my Ipod. Yep. The second time was when something seemingly unnoteworthy on an auto-pilot moment was said, and it touched me so deeply, I cried again. From the beauty of it all. Huh? Is this SHELLY we're talking about??!?!?!?? The noncrier? Yep. It was me. Guilty. What's even better is that I began to see myself in a slightly different light. One that felt worthy. Yeah, you should be shaking or scratching your head right now. It's not that I see myself as worthless, because I do not. I'm just not used to picking up on signals that another human finds me as such. What on earth have I been cheating myself out of for the past 38 years?!? Okay, I'm sure I haven't done it my ENTIRE life, but it's been a long time.

I challenge each and every one of you to give it a shot today. My work output didn't suffer, it's didn't take long. I was just being aware of what came into my life as it came in. I tried not to judge stuff as it happened, but just to let it happen. The outcome was amazing. If you do try this, I hope that something touches you in an indelible way. You deserve it.

With all of my heart, may yours be touched today.

Warning*****I'm hyper!!!!

Now, who else do you know that gets amped up by going to a night class?? Really! I cannot suck up this information fast enough. I'm so glad I read the theorists crap last week. Adios! Now I can dig in to the meat and potatoes portion of the class, and understand where the concepts came from.

You know when life is dealing you blow after blow and you're like, "HEY GOD!!! What ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?" For me, this new path seems to be the culmination of a lot of pain, sweat, heartache, tears, frustration and trial and error lessons in raising kids. Yes, I love my mom job, but we've totally taken the road less travelled. In fact, many times, we've gone where next to no one has gone before. The triumphs have been amazing, yes. But so has the heartache. I'll never forget the pain of driving home from the pediatrician's office.....8 months pregnant, sobbing my eyes out because I had just heard something I thought I couldn't live through. My daughter had this condition called epilepsy and would require an eeg, a neurologist and a hospital stay for a firm diagnosis. I remember staying home for the neuro consult because I was one day home with my newborn. These are supposed to be happy times in a young parents life, bringing home a baby, yet it was shrouded by fear, pain and uncertainty. I'll also never forget seeing Katie all bundled up in her coat going up Rt 47 for her hospital stay as I was driving home from my one week post delivery visit. I didn't even get to say good bye, I love you, nothing. I could not stay with her, as I was nursing...and we couldn't afford formula. Then the pain of the steroids, the joy of watching the seizures subside......and that's when the real insanity began. Few children were lucky enough to recover from Infantile Spasms. Then came the damning knowledge that they had wrecked havoc on her poor 2 year old brain. She tested out at a 10 month level. There was no prognosis. it was all trial and error, research, prayer, and endless hours of therapy. I was told she wouldn't talk, blah, blah, blah, blah. Add Dee in the picture. That kid was so easy for her first two years. There is no way I would have survived otherwise. However, she has her own language issues. Writing for her is a struggle that I cannot describe. Then she was diagnosed ADHD. Fine. NBD, lots of kids have that. Sure. But, it's not an easy road either. Every time I turned around it was another challenge that seemed insurmountable. Yet, we made it through it all. They are both doing great. Are they perfect? I sure hope not, that would SUCK. We've tried every kind of parenting technique you can imagine. We've done a lot of trial and error situations. I've messed up a LOT over the years......but I'm pleased with what stunning ladies I live with. Are then uncomplicated now? HELL NO! But we seem to have developed a system over the years that works for us.

Here's where it all starts to pull together. The class I'm taking is validating so much of what we've done over the years. Apparently the core of what I believe aligns up with the theory I am learning to teach to other parents. Children do what they do to get what they need. It is our job to figure out what that is and give them an environment in which they are free to develop to their fullest potential. There is no right or wrong way to parent per se. Each child is different (hence the INDIVIDUAL thing!!) However, their needs all have a common theme. If we take the time to analyze this and give them what they crave....NEED to develop....the world is their oyster. This can all be in a peaceful, nonconfrontational way. AMEN!!!! I just hope that the path I've bounced through can only help me to help others reach the point where parenting is a privledge enjoyed by all. Are there going to be moments? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Of course there will be. That's just part of the growing process....but not everything needs to be a power struggle. YA THINK?!?! God, I love this class. It breaks my heart and makes it soar and gives me immense hope for the potential of change and peace that can be found when given the proper information. Seize the moment people, life is INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!

I can hardly wait to do more research, read more books on the topic and get back into class. I feel like a sponge that can't possibly get enough water. I want to take every single parent and whisper in their ear "it doesn't have to be this hard".....we don't have to conform to society's "rules" concerning children. In fact, it benefits us not to at times. Our children are not a reflection of us or our parenting. They do not have to preform up to a given level on so many levels. They will achieve a successful life if we nurture them. Note, I didn't say ANYTHING about overindulging them. I said NURTURE. Nothing is solved by power struggles.

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!! My wish is that all of you find something that lights your inner fire like this. It is AMAZING.

Crushing Hugs!!!! Life is short, Live out LOUD!!!!!!!! Love it!

Well, it's been a weekend

I finished that book I was reading/taking notes on for class. YIPPEE!!! So, I took today off. It felt great! Now I need to hit it again tomorrow before class. Next on the agenda is journalling about what I've learned and research on my two presentations. I did some preliminary searches yesterday, but I know I need more, and I'm sure reading what I have found would be a stellar idea.

I did the greatest thing last night. I knitted. *sigh* Life is good. I am knitting escalator socks out of that great wollemeise sock yarn from Germany. That stuff is worth it's weight in gold. Jeff has hardly taken off the ones I made him for Christmas. I'm pretty fond of the pair I made myself as well. Good stuff, that yarn is. I hope he brings home one more load before that job is over. I'm bribing him with more socks. It's not like I don't have a buttload of yarn in the basement, but you know me. I'm streaky and a yarn whore. When I find something I fall in love with, I just want to roll in it. I think the acrylic stuff is going to have to be donated somewhere. I'm so over it. Bring on the good stuff!!!! I'm going to try to get this pair done for the 12 month kal I reentered for this year. 12 months, at least one project a month enters me into a contest to win 12 skeins of Crystal Palace Yarn. I love their yarn as well, so LIFE IS GOOD. Except for the lack of time I have to do it all. Not to mention my lack of ability to stay awake 24/7.

Back to today. I treated myself to a spa day at home. Nice. I loved it. Except for one small detail. I was using hair removal products after being unsuccessful yesterday, and I'm pretty sure I've given myself a chemical burn. NOT SMART. I'm going with air therapy at the moment. I'll be hooking up with some neosporin before I go to bed. Oh, shit, I hope I have some. I'm NOT going to the store tonight. Yes, I'm the dumbass warning labels are written for....who naturally feels not to heed all warnings. Ah, well, I lived and learned. If I can't make fun of me....then I'm in some serious trouble.

What are y'all up to? Anything good? Anything boring?? Tell me about it!!!

I did another recliner nap this evening. That's becoming the norm these days. It feels great, but I'm really missing tv. My destressor has now become my nap time.....like I said, I just can't fit it all in anymore. Eh. It'll all even out.

Give yourselves big bear hugs from me!

and then it was midnight

Get this, I actually went to bed before 11. However, after tossing and turning for 45, I thought I'd get up, shake it off, relax and try again. Not going to sleep when frustrated about not sleeping...that's for damn sure.

Nothing new today. I got to pg 205 in that text I'm working on. *sigh*. My brain is stuffed full. I may take most of tomorrow off to take a good look around and see what's up in the world around me. I haven't knit ANYTHING since Sunday or Monday. I can't remember. Maybe THAT'S what's wrong with me, huh? :D. Fiber therapy reigns.

I finally had an etsy sale today. This is very good.....except I didn't have it made. I CANNOT believe that. I try not to list until it's made, but it's a repeat item, and I'm sure I got DISTRACTED. Gee, the queen of "oh LQQK *shiny*!!" So, tomorrow will find me in the recliner watching a movie, hook a flyin'. I can't say I think this is a bad thing......

Keep it real...that's about the only thing that matters.

I'm off to.......good question. I'm off.....to find the solution to world sleep! Bwhahahahahahahahahahaah. That was baaaaaad.

Kickin' it back for a few, and trying again.

{{{hug}}} yourself. It does a body good!


Update: Well, DUH......the pressure is changing, I should have KNOWN!!! Sometimes it really sucks being a human barometer!

Still Pictureless

i know, for a long time I thought I had to have pictures when I blogged. I still prefer to, but not enough to take one, upload and then describe. WTH would I take a picture of......my hair all over the place, the sleeping dog, the books I'm reading or the knitting I'm not getting to, or my neglected exercise bike? So many possibilities, so little action!

I just got done reading and taking notes on the Montessori chapter. My head needs to download. There's been enough input for a while. This needs to settle in before I try to cram any more in there. It's funny. This text is all about child development. This is my third time around studying this information. It's funny how perspective changes everything. The first time I was 19 and in college for the first time. it was all new and overwhelming. The second time, I was back in school while the girls were 4 and 6, looking at it from and Elementary Ed lens. Now, I'm looking at it through the how to help parents with where they are with their children while mine are 14 and 16. I'm telling you, this exact same information looks different every time. Life experience and lens makes different subtle points stick out. Amazing.

The rest of my life has been on the back burner. Really, do I care about laundry and a clean house....only if it impacts me in a negative way. Actually, the house looks pretty good. Moving after all this reading feels good. The laundry......eh. Everybody has clean underthings as far as I know, and that's about as much as I care.

Exercise...I skipped yesterday and the day before. Yikes. I need to get on the beast today. *sigh* it's not catching my attention. I wonder if I can even sit there long enough to do it.

TV - I miss it, but I slept though it last night. Gotta love that.

Knitting - haven't done any in two days. *HORRORS* It'll come. I'm just in that all new honeymoon school phase. I figure I should plow through as much of the reading as I can while my interest is still high. That should free up later weeks for research and analysis to put in papers and presentations. However.....my brain is revolting. This reading and absorbing thing takes as much energy as physical activity. Too bad it doesn't burn as many calories!!!!

So many interests, so little time. Boredom only comes when I can't figure out what to do next, don't WANT to do what is next, when I should just hang it up and go to bed OR when I want to TALK TO SOMEBODY!!!!!

Leave me messages. I totally enjoy reading them and feel like I am not alone...even when I don't get to respond. (you know, I'm hyper distractible from time to time...as in ALL the time)

I got a great email today and it's message was simple.....each sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Go forth and embrace happiness!!!!!

{{{{HUGS}}}}
xxxkissesxxxxx

me

***Mind Implosion Alert***

Wow.

It takes a lot to blow my mind. Really. I can take a lot of info, or so I think, but class tonight has my mind in orbit.

10 weeks from now, I'll have a certificate as a Parent Coach (which really requires no certificate, but it's a GOOD idea).
5 weeks from now I'll need to have clients for class. ACK!!!
Before 5 weeks from now, I'll have read a minimum of 3 books, lots of research, given 2 presentations, written a journal, and written 2 papers. WTH??

The hardest part about off of this is the lack of rules. I'm so used to classes that have specific guidelines. NOT this one. I'm a pretty out of the box thinker, but I didn't realize how IN the box I expect education to be. Actually, I find that quite sad. I have my topics, I have my due dates. I know the length and the documentation style. There you go. That's it. There is no "read this by then" or "I want this, this, this, this and this" Just here's the info. Have at it. I'm pretty sure I can figure out what to read by the topics announced in the syllabus....I've just never not had it all laid out for me.

Talk about an exciting journey. Ladies and Gentlemen....the possibilities are virtually ENDLESS.

Welcome to life without a tightrope. I think I'm going to love it. I also think I'm gonna be busier than I can even imagine.

SO.......beware if you have children...I might come a'beggin.
Beware if you have or have had your own business...I might come a'askin'

and if you have a life......BEWARE. Why? I have no clue, but it sounded fun to type.

I thought I was ready to live out LOUD....now it's time to put my actions where my mouth is

~love always
S

Note: I think I forgot to eat dinner. RIght it down. I am NOT known for missing meals!!!! That should tell you SOMETHING about today.

Just a quick post before I lay me down to sleep

Hey everybody! I've got 20 minutes before this thing posts on tomorrow, unless it does on eastern time, in which, I'm too late!

I've already been to bed and back up once. I think I just might be a little excited/nervous about tomorrow night. I'm starting a new class and I'm out of my comfort zone. Perfect for my New Year's plan, but you know...it's OUTside the comfy spots. Grow, grow, grow. Hopefully.

I hope everyone had a great holiday season and is ready to take 2010 by it's ear and kick it in the ass! Let's go for it!!! Time's a wastin'

Love to everybody and hug to all who bother to read!!!!

Yep, a totally useless post, but it was fun to take so many words to say nothing!
Later gators!
GO TACKLE SOMETHING before it tackles you from behind, I say!

Thanks Barbara!!!!!

How FUN is that. Crystalized soap bubbles. Nice. I'm telling you, if you EVER get into this kind of weather, go out for a minute and do these things. FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN. We came in because 1. we were COLD (duh) and 2. The solution in the bubble gun had gotten as thick as white corn syrup. NOT making bubbles with that.


Here's Dee with her bubble gun. Man, do I LOVE swim team motivational gifts....she won the go game during Captain's practice in early August. Little did she know that it was going to totally entertain her in the subzeroness of early January.


And here's the best shot of a crystalized bubble. You can't see it really well, but they deflate inside of themselves and crumple up, but still shine like a bubble. Then, when we caught one, it would melt back into a bubble onto our hands, then pop. Very cool. Who says science isn't fun! Ha.

Oh yeah, in that second picture, yes that's Shelly's inferno. It was over 80 in there when I got up this morning with both the front and side window open that wide with the vent turned off in the room. I'M MELTING.........LOL. (yes, over 80 with 2 windows open over 2 inches with it being 20 below. Would you like to discuss how WRONG that is????)

Yes, it's that time again....

we've officially hit -20 degrees. It is impossibly hot in my room, I couldn't sleep and looked up the weather on my phone. YES!! If I'm going to have insomnia, then I am gonna PLAY! Here's the best visual I can give for the hot water not hitting the ground trick.

Here's the cup of hot water....


...and here is the resul.


Fun, huh? Okay, maybe not the best party ever, but hey, it's 2 who only knows what am...I'm awake and it works for me. Gotta find fun in the small stuff, or you'll end up missing out on most of the better moments.

Now, I think it's time to see what I can do about turning off a vent or two. I think it's time to take the thermometer up there and see what temperature I'm whining about.

Live, love, and embrace the moment
Hugs!!!

What a perfect day for startitis......

Most people make resolutions for the new year. Not me. Not exactly, at any rate. I used to, and I used to give up stuff for lent, as well. Not anymore. Why? I don't need the headache or another opportunity for self beating. Maybe that's what I'm giving up! HA! Instead, I'm trying to look at things through new eyes. Living IN each moment...now that doesn't mean FOR the moment and not looking forward to consequences, it means feeling and being in each moment. Okay, not all of them. When on the exercise bike, my mind had BETTER be somewhere else, or I'm getting OFF. Still...you know what I mean. I was prereading the optional book for my class that starts Monday, and it was about being mindful of now. The purpose is to stop putting it in overdrive and living each moment with acceptance, love and two other words that I don't remember. However, it's supposed to bring more awareness to each situation, less mind wandering (which leads to mental beatings) and gives greater awareness to relationships...between you and self, you and others and you and situations. Out of this, deeper understanding should grow, misunderstandings occur less, reduction of rote/knee jerk reactions....out of which one is to grow more as a person. I'm all in. The theory sounds good to me. We all know my mind never shuts off, so this should prove to be an interesting exercise in focus as well.

As to the startitis. Holy crap. I have my mom's caplet otn, a pair of ribbed socks for myself and the margaritaville socks. I'm about to cast on another pair of socks, am totally yearning to cast on a beaded mysetry knit along sock and committed to doing a mitten crochet-along for charity. Will I get this all done? Hell no. However, my favorite of the projects will emerge. What isn't so loved can be ripped out and started on something else until the marriage of the right yarn and the right pattern come along.

Personally, I find this to be as close to a perfect start to the new year as one can find in the subzero temps that I chose to subject myself to over 8 years ago.

Last year was a year of many firsts. I hope to continue that trend this year. More importantly, this year, I choose to LIVE and not exist while marking time. It's not smart to mark time when time is, in fact, marching on.

May this year bless you more than your mind can conceive and may you choose life and love over death and hate.

MUAH!