Tryingn to look the monster in the eye

I just woke up in the middle of a massive panic attack. Wow. It's been months since that has happened. To be honest, I could not do that for the rest of my life, and I'd be okay with it. Honestly! Not meant to be, I suppose. So now what do I do? Type here, of course. We're not going to mention that I'm terrified awake and literally drooping asleep at the same time. Not fun......although it is an interesting sensation. Guess I haven't done as good of a job as I thought at stress reduction. I think that shall be #1 on my list tomorrow. Exercise. #1 stress reducer. #1? Because this SUCKS!!! Hey, if it convinces me to work out, then maaaaaaaaaaybe I'll concede it's not the worst thing in the universe.

Why am I typing? Because I need to calm down. It would help if I could think of something else, but I cannot. (hence the whole problem in the first place) but sitting here typing is WAY more productive than pacing frantically around the house trying to run away from my own head. For the record, out running your head is not possible. I've tried. Just saying.

Whew. I'm starting to feel the grip on my head start to subside. it's still there, but it's easing up a bit. What do I mean by grip? That irrational fear that I cannot talk down...... I just saw a glimpse of rationality through the haze. This is good. Hopefully I can beat it down with more rationality instead of another panic wave washing over me. Typing this increases the odds of irrational thinking....but like I said, I'm trying to stare down the monster called panic. I'm tired of being it's bitch. Now I've really done it! LOL.

Despite the nasty weather, Sunday was a fun day. The swimmer is now at camp. I didn't get lost on my way there. The third time IS a charm! We stopped by the mega mall. I'd have to say quite a bit of damage has been done. K is now the proud owner of an itouch. You know, it's nice to see her face light up. What a beautiful smile she has. We finally got some one on one time in the car, even though I was quite brain dead by then. It was still nice. She and I don't get to hang out much. It's a shame. She's such an interesting person. We found a softball bead for her, which lead to the buying of leather lacing and all the trimmings to make a necklace. Naturally, I found my own charm. Now to find the time to make it. Now is NOT the time. Too tired, and too shaky. I also found a broomstick skirt on sale at Macy's that couldn't be left in the store for someone else. I'm going to have to take off the top tier and redo the waist as this (as with so many other things) is made for somebody with twice the leg length. Thanks Granny, cos I just heard you say "I'd rather be too short than too tall. You can always take some fabric off, but you can never put it back on" Too true. So much for complaining about shortening that skirt! At least I can take some of it off!

YUCK!!!!!!! I just killed some BIG assed bug that flew on my arm. I've never seen one like this before. Okay, it was kinda pretty, but I noticed that after it was dead. NOT helping the panic situation ONE LITTLE BIT!!!!!! Anxiety levels back UP. *sigh* I really shouldn't have said that about being panic's bitch or looking it in the eye. It never pays to make bold statements like that!!!! LOL. Okay, so do you think it's time to let go of the muscle tension in my body? I think so too, but I can't remember how. Maybe in a few more minutes.

Well, that was a whole lot of babbling. It's now 2:47. I woke up at 2:12. Hopefully, this ride is about over and I can get back to sleep. Thanks for being there world.....and I sure hope none of you ever know what this feels like. I don't wish it on anyone.....EVER.

Sweet dreams!



Edit: I did decide to make the necklaces tonight...and here's the results. The only foul from shakiness was the first shot of super glue (to secure the fasteners up top) that coated my left fingers. GO TEAM!