2009 - What a year.....

I've completed 265 projects. Not bad. Some were pretty small (face toner cloths) some were bigger and more complicated (like the now deceased Centrall Park Hoodie Vest. I've knit 11.4 miles of yarn. I've lost a special Aunt, and gained something like 20 pounds. I've found my spark, lost myself, and gotten into and out of the groove more times than I care to count. My youngest started high school, I've reconnected with what seems like a zillion people (I LOVE facebook), and I've pretty much lost out on my favorite subbing jobs due to the new computer calling system and trollers. The biggest lesson I've learned this year is that life must be lived out loud, and that people are everything.

Wow.

And that's just the stuff I feel like typing!

Have a safe New Years, see ya on the flip side. Be careful tonight. I do NOT want to start out 2010 at another funeral YOU HEAR ME!!!!!!!!

I am DONE

I am done treating myself like some bald headed step child....although I'm pretty sure I'd treat them a hell of a lot better than I treat me. Circumstances Smircamstances. I am DONE. No waiting for New Year's....that's just another week's worth of excuses, platitudes and justifications. I'm not growing younger by waiting, just older and TODAY is the DAY.

There.

I said it.

You read it.

Now it's time to DO it.

1. When I'm emotional, NO MORE SANDBAGGING SELF. If I must kick somthing, then I'd better find a new target. I'm not it. Kicking myself when down is NOT the solution. Neither is any other crutch habit.

2. Time to own what I eat. I already am. It's called fat storage. If that's what I choose, fine, but I must OWN it. I need to think about the 10 years from now instead of the next 10 seconds.

3. Moving the body is good. Gotta do at least 10 minutes of sweating a day. I'm SURE I can find ways to do this, and not all of them suck.

This is no New Year's Resolution....this needs to be I LOVE ME AND I AM GOING TO START ACTING LIKE IT DAMMIT.

Anybody care to join me?????

Love yourself..........you are worth it. Believe me. You are.

~~~Merry Christmas~~~~

Merry Christmas to one and all.

Here's a glimpse of our morning.....
Wow. I can only upload 5...sadness......


The buttterfly shirt....according to Dee, it's the MUST have of the season.




Caught Jeff off guard and got a good pic. It DOES happen every decade or so.



Katie and the dog. Both happy. Needs NO words, just a smile.




Ella has been a trip. She's been trying to figure out how to get more caramel rolls ever since Dee dropped hers on the floor. What can I say, she's a smart dog.....when she CHOOSES to be.



Sisters. The love between them never fails to amaze me. I'll never understand, but Oh, how I love to watch.


Have a wonderful, love filled day

No one said it would be easy

but no one said it'd be this hard.

You know, you HAVE to love Sheryl Crow. That woman has a song to hit my heart no matter what the mood. I hope for her sake that writing this stuff helps her deal even more than it helps me to listen.

Now, I've just got to get to the part , "where I can't cry anymore".

Things are fine. This is just that time of year. Everything that isn't genuine screams fake and rips my heart to shreds....it can be as simple as an insincere, "Happy Holidays" to deeper crappier stuff. I don't mean to be a pain, but if it's not a real emotion (as in authentic) then I just don't want any part of it.

Ah. The morbid ramblings of an overtired woman a couple days before Christmas.

Why are you still reading???

I have no idea either.

Then let's talk FIBER.

I love fiber. Currently on the needles I have a pair of socks for myself in a black and white varigated. Should go great with the outfit waiting to be unwrapped under the tree. I also started my mom's cabled caplet tonight. IF the weather people are right, I should have plenty of knitting time over the next few days. Looks like snow, shovel, sleep, eat, knit, repeat. Now, if we can just keep the power. We used to live 3 blks from the hospital, but they moved, SO now that line isn't such a high priority. Bummer.

Wow. That was short on fiber. Eh, it's good, I'm short on thoughts. High on raw emotions, though. If you need some, let me know. I seem to be in an overabundance~

Stay safe, keep living and loving. Life's to short to waste on much else.

love ya

Technical Difficulties

are not my strong suit. I was all set to wow you with fiber content. I plugged in my camera and NOTHING happened. Did I troubleshoot, of course I did. So, what am I going to do? Put the camera back into the drawer and try again later, or never. Bummer. I also need to update my project page on Ravelry. I'm sure I still CAN, I just like to do them with the pictures. Grrrrr. Wonder what I did to the teckie gremlins....I wonder if they are bribable by chocolate. You know, chocolate fixes everything, right? Something like that.....maybe if I dabble around with the cords, things would improve. Who knows. (but we know who cares!)

What you are NOT seeing is my family's Christmas socks. There is a pair for each of the three of them. I was going to knit myself a pair of Margaritaville (Adrienne Fong) socks in Mini Mochi on size zeros.....um, not going to happen. LOVE the pattern, love the yarn but do NOT love the pattern in that yarn on THOSE needles. I haven't decided how to handle this. Size 1's, different pattern, different yarn.....wait and see. *****TAH DAH**** I DID IT. The wait and try again later solution WORKED!!! Ha!!! Love it....

BRB - talking to Aaron is more important....but talking to me isn't!!!! :P. 7:45m later his daughter calls. If I'm getting kicked to the curb, it's a good thing that it's an OFFSPRING! LOL. The things we put up with and do without question for friends and family, huh?

Julie and Julia got here via Netflix this afternoon, so I have a VERY pressing date with my dvr.

Have a good night!

<3 ya all over the map.

Nothing in particular

It's that time where I need to be headed for bed. I'm tired. Heck, I'm exhauseted, but I just don't want to give it up. I don't know what "it" is per say....but still.

You know, I'm just having one of THOSE moments. I'm not all into the Christmas thing this year, but right now I just want to stand up and YELL

~~~~~~~~~I LOVE YOU~~~~~~~~~ to the universe.

Every have one of those moments?

Stop, give yourself a big hug. Life's so short, and so full of not so great stuff. Stop, and remember that YOU ARE LOVED.

Sweet dreams all.

Growing up but not older!!!!

~~~~~~~SNOW DAY~~~~~~~~~

I LOVE snow days. I still get as excited as I did as a kid. I still love the moment after the last bell of the day rings at school. Those moments are so full of pure excitement and possibilities. Now, mind you, I spent an hour blowing the driveway and the sidewalks and took one stupid picture. I couldn't care less. I still feel like a kid again. We've really done nothing overly special. Just having a day to have a day without constraints.....is enough. We've brunched (pancakes, sausage) and lunched ---moving snow is hard work, you know (soup and grilled cheese). I've lemon oiled the entertainment center. The girls are getting ready to bake cookies they mixed up last night (cchip and choc. pb chip) I'm going to put everything back away on the entertainment center and I don't know what. That's the beauty. I don't HAVE to know what. Meat is out thawing for dinner, it's 2:02....and the possibilities are ENDLESS. I thought about napping, but lunch brought some life back into this body. Cut out fabric for the Christmas bags, maybe. A movie and knitting is always a good possibility. Who knows..and the best part, is who cares? It's a SNOW DAY and anything is possible!!!





******SNOW DAY*******

Where does the time go?

Today's been a crazy, crazy day. Within three hours of getting up, I'd done more than I had thought I could do all day. I love/hate it when that happens. It was great to get so much done, but I was exhausted. You know, carrying heavy things from the car (detached garage) and into the house really kicks my ass. Today it was about 50 pounds of organic/free range lamb. Then I was *smart* enough to go to the grocery store. Of course, I was *smart* enough to buy 5 lbs of apples and flour as well as a 10 lb bag of potatoes. WHAT was I thinking? Did I really think it was going to transport itself into my house? Really? By the time I got it all in, I was in no mood to work on laundry and everything else I had started before I left. However, I did more. Not all, but more. It was crazy. By 1, I popped in a movie and took a nap. Tonight was 2nd quarter conference night. Yip-pee. I don't like conferences. I'm not sure why. I LOVE talking about my kids. (no, really, I do) I know and understand they are not perfect (Thank GOD they are not...that would drive me INSANE). Most of the time, I even feel like I have half a clue as to what's going on with school. However, I've noticed that conferences take on two formats. 1. Short, sweet and to the point or 2. A non-ending stream of babble that is supposed to make me feel like it was worth waiting in that 20 minute line that really says nothing at all that I haven't heard before. Guess which one I prefer! The class that is giving one of my girls the most trouble was the fastest and most informative. Neither he, she or I have any questions about what can be done and the consequences of not taking these options. From here on out, it's her choice. He and I are available to facilitate. Done. Fantastic. I also hate that ours are in the gym and in hallways so that you can hear the conference of the person on either side of you when with the teacher and the one having the conference when you are next in line. Not exactly private. However, I will not change this tried and true system. I'm sure it's a good idea somewhere. Anyway, it was nice to meet the new quarter class teachers and to check in with the ones I met in September. It's nice to be able to verbally support the girls in front of their teachers and for them to hear compliments in front of me. The best comment of the night came from their Spanish teacher. (Yep, some brilliant person put them in Spanish together at the same time in the same room. It is actually working out well. They've NEVER had class together, and I bet they never will again, but it's weird) After going through their grades, she looked up and said, "You have the most respectful children" Can you say "BEAMING"?!!!! That's what I was doing. You know, information comes and information goes....being able to reference and computers has really reduced the amount of facts one must carry in one's head....but respect. THAT'S something that I've been aiming for for years. I could still cry right now thinking about it. I know they don't particularly like everyone or every teacher. I'm sure they aren't stepford children either. However, it's great to know that they are putting that respect out there and it's being noticed. It did my heart proud.



As we were leaving tonight, I looked up and the snow was coming down softly......and this tree was lit up by the light on the side of the building. It was one of those inside of the snow globe moments. It just felt magical. (glee from leaving,maybe?) So, I took the pic. No, it doesn't do the real image justice, but it helps me remember that one fleeting moment of wonderment.




And then there's the mobuis/infinity scarf I finished today. I'm not in LOVE with it, but wth, can't love it all. It should be in the etsy store tomorrow...unless, of course, I find a way to turn it into a dog collar for Ella *grin* NOT happening.


Now, here's the last questions. Does anyone else confuse exhaustion with sadness? I'm sad almost every night before I go to bed. Now, I don't think of myself as a sad person, so I'm wondering if I'm just tired and getting my signals crossed as usual.

Live out loud ladies and gentlemen....we only get one shot at this.

Banquet Night Swagger

I would love to rant and rave for hours, but I've already done this. Dee, you set your goal amazingly high for this year, to letter in swimming as a freshman. Not only did you do that, but you did so much more. Qualifying for sectionals, swimming your butt off, never EVER letting anyone get in your way or trash talk you out of what you'd earned. AND you did it all while achieving a high gpa. Great Job. Okay, I have to clarify. The "she saved our lives" award was for when Dee won the goggle toss one Friday to get the team out of practice early. When at peak yardage, Martha will let the girls play games to get rid of some yardage....goggle toss is where the girls stand by the blocks and try to get their goggles to stay on the flags. If somebody does, then they get out for the night. We're not going to tell Brian (club coach) how many hours she spent at practice practicing goggle toss and not turns. Gotta love the type. Nothing like making somebody feeling loved :D. Five letters, and it was too complicated.

Current projects...sane and not so much so.

Unbelievable, I just spent at least a half an hour blogging, and my damned laptop dropped the connection to the network, and I lost the whole thing. Par for the day, my life, my universe! I cannot buy a break, I tell you.

Here's my current projects as of last night.

That pink blob...it's an infinity scarf. I hope to have it done by tomorrow and listed on etsy by Monday. I figure it won't sell, but you know, just knitting it as been a source of great comfort over the past 36 hours. The mindless repetition and clicking of the needles has done more than I can say to keep my soul from totally shattering. Well worth it, no matter where it ends up in the universe.

That back pair of yellow/black/blue socks are being made in Jeff/the girls size. I don't know who will wear it, but I like how it's working up. It's going to him because they scream MIZZOU to me. I've got to get that one done and another one started to take with me to the swim banquet tomorrow night. I love ya Martha, but I can't sit for anything for 3 hours without moving my hands!

that fuzzy purple to yellow haze.....is my beloved margaritaville socks. The yarn feels like butter sliding through my fingers. it's a bit fussy to work with, but the feel. Oh the feel. The colors remind me of a tropical sunset, and the name sets my ass in the Caymens. I haven't the concentration to work on them too much, but I cannot wait to be able to do so. This is a beautiful pattern and I can't wait to wear this piece of heaven on my feet. I'm sure my whole attitude is going to be laid back and tropical in these babies.

Life. Had been going tolerably well......until today. I want to know.....how many times can your whole heart/soul/being be shattered before you just say "forget it" and throw in the towel? I'm sure I'm well beyond that 77X7 threshold. I'm so tired of being transparent, trying to be as totally clear, open and honest as I can get to get cut off at the knees. I'm so tired of "I'm sorry" and "I'm trying" and "I didn't mean it that way". Yet, I also know it is not time to leave. I just find it impossible to understand that someone who wants me to understand their pain can be so oblivious to the pain they are causing. I'm not that complicated. Really. So, I'm going to sit here with the duct tape and the superglue and try to put humpty back together again. Somehow, by tomorrow afternoon, I have to be strong enough to put on that public persona and sit through Dee's swim banquet for 3 hours or so. Yep, the knitting is going with me. They might not know who I am if I left it at home *grin*. Maybe I should leave the makeup off. I'm sure I'm going to bawl there too. Why not. It's an emotional night. We've got some great girls graduating. Yep. It's going to be hard mixed with great pride.

Here's to another crazy, life filled, insane week. Take a deep breath and remember to take care of you.

The more things change, the more they stay the same!

I cleaned today. I believe I talked to you while I was busy procrastinating. Well, I got a lot done. All is dusted and all vacuuming is DONE. I love that. Rarely happens. Life is good.

What's that you're looking at up above? Why, I do believe that's my great grandma's (of the Pop and Grandma team that gave us Granny) corn muffin cast iron whatever you wanna call it. When I was dusting I saw it and decided that it needed some love.

So, I used the world's most convenient waste of money....boxed corn muffin mix. Do I have corn meal, flour and baking powder/soda. Yes, I do. However, opening a box and adding an egg and a thrid of a cup of milk is sooooo much easier. So, I cheated. (and then I added some honey.....some people who live here like it better that way) But still, I have no idea how old this piece of cookware is, but it's still alive and kicking out muffins and memories. You know, it's fun doing stuff the modern way with stuff that's over 100. Kinda cool.


And here is the final picture of Shelly's Sultans. :D. Tomorrow, I'm going to wear them. With the projected high of something like 23...I'm going to have toasty toes....and then somebody is going to have the heat cranked to 80. I do HATE that. Oh well, if so, I'll take me socks off and they can all just smell my feet! Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Debating!!!

I don't really have time to blog today, but I want to. I realized after sitting here debating for a few minutes that debating was the DUMBEST waste of time. I wasn't accomplishing anything and I wasn't blogging either. No pictures today. I don't feel like taking the time to drum some up.

I got the Sultan socks done. I love them. I need to wear them SOON. Maybe tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, I test tomorrow afternoon with the Census Bureau. I hope I haven't gotten too stupid in 10 years to be hired. Actually, they were hard pressed to find workers 10 years ago....I doubt that is the case now. Ah well, if it's meant to be, it will be. It's stuff I love....maps and talking to people. Works for me!!!! (oh yeah, and flex hours, I LOVE me some flex hours) now, what I don't like is that we are entering the arctic season. Good thing I have a coat, hat, mittens, boots and socks for exactly this weather. Hummm, maybe I should put it to use, huh?

I want to go snow tubing. Okay, I really want to go skiing, but let's get real. I'd have to go alone. Bah. Not as much fun (but getting more tempting by the year) I keep using my weight as an excuse. I don't want to tell the binding guy my weight. I think it's time to grab those big girl panties and DEAL WITH IT. Life's too short to skip what I love over a number that I don't. Still. Tubing sounds like fun. It's just now getting to freezing or below most of the day. They'll be cranking up those snow machines soon. TUBING it is~~~~~I'm picky...I like real snow for the skis. Thanks Daddy. Colorado/Utah or BUST. Hummmm, now that's a thought. Maybe in a couple of years I'll do a self guided tour of some resort somewhere in real mountains with real snow. that's a thought.

RANDOM

Yep.

That's me. I'm cleaning again today. At LEAST two rooms. (maybe) We'll see. As usual, the ipod is shuffling and I hit a new to be ZBB song....they do an interesting mix......right now the guy singing reminds me of Mitch McVickers the baby Ragamuffin who was in the crash that killed Rich......I heard another one that reminded me of those trucker songs of the 70's...anyone else remember them? Convoy and that song list? I pull from the oddest background, huh? If you really know me, then you know this isn't much of a surprise. Random things catch and hold my attention. Then I fixate. That's always amusing for me and annoying for others. Interesting. Oh look....something shiny! LOL. Just kidding. Then there are the things that stick. My interest may wax and wane (wax on, wax off!!! LOL) but the underlying interest is always there. Oh listen...it's BuckCherry! I'm still trying to figure them out. Seem to have pretty much the same sound. A bit 80's hair band...NO PROBLEM HERE.

Knitting....ah, my beloved knitting. I think I mentioned that I finished my Sultan socks and I want to wear them soon. I need to take a final pic. I've also cast on a pair of fingerless mitts for Shannon. I hope to be done with those by the end of the week. After them, I want to cast on the Margaritaville (Adrienne Fong) socks in Mini Mochi. And a mobius, and a cape, and, and, and. Really. I'm not even going to mention those Christmas bags. Maybe I can get Dee excited. She sews in a straight enough line...when she chooses. I'm worried about her. She's been complaining about being tired for almost 2 weeks. Time to push a multi-vit and some iron. CAST iron HERE WE COME....wash all iron down by oj, and well, maybe that'll be the solution. K's doing good. I think she likes this upperclassman stuff.

Ah well, I've busted what, another 20 minutes. And you know what? I haven't heard a THING from my vacuum. Damn bastard didn't start without me. Bummer.