Holidays, knitting and Katie's car.

What a wild weekend. I know it was only 4 days....but it seemed like four weeks and four minutes...all at the same time. Go figure. We had a crazy busy weekend, as did most everyone else. We seem to like to jam ours with long drives. The next time people move (like us) we need to consider holidays in the planning. It seems like we've gotten this trip down to about 7.5 hours, but we're hauling and barely stopping. Thanksgiving was good and typical. Friday was pretty typical. Does that not look like three tired shoppers? The camera girl was pretty tired too. She went home and collapsed for an hour before going again.



Not only did Mother and I buy the yarn for her infinity scarf (aka Cat Borhdi's mobius scarf)...but I got it finished as well. I was so excited. There for a few hours the cast on threw me, but thanks to great tutorials on youtube....all is good. I finished up the last of it around 11 last night. These pictures were taken this morning. Nope. Can't tell we're all shopped out. Yep, I drove the whole way home looking that tired. Can I tell you that I really really really really need the mold to freeze over? Man, this how many week headache is getting old. WHICH BTW, J got our access reallowed to our insurance company (I guessed too many times and locked the account, and since I am not the cardholder...blah, blah, blah) AND there are MORE ALLERGISTS in town!!!!! YIPPEE!!!! I will go get my shot tomorrow and then this girl is calling for a new appt. I've done this way too long to feel this damn bad so many months of the year. Something has to give. I'm choosing a new doc. Maybe that's not the problem, but I'm willing to risk it. ANYWAY........I was able to leave the scarf with Mother....so that's one less usps line to deal with. Yippee!! That first pic was us being nuts. Thanks Mother for playing along! :D



Last, but certainly not least is Katie and her car. It's my parent's old Buick Regal. She loves that car and drives great in it. Total confidence. She really does just hate my car. Hey. Can't hate what you're driving. That just doesn't work out well. I know, I've tried. I was sure I was going to run over a small child before I got rid of that van. Anyway, great job Katie! Let me know when to pull you out of school for the test.

See, all is good.

I bought way too much yarn over the weekend and a notepad. I'm armed and dangerous now. Needles and network? Be very afraid! I bought Mini Mochi for Adrianne Fong's Margaritaville socks. I'm relaxed at the name. The colors are fantastic as well. I can't wait. I also have yarn for a cape for Mother, and one for me. I also bought yarn to make infinity scarves for etsy...like I'm ever going to get there. Who knows. It's the holiday season, anything is possible!!! Oh yeah. I forgot. (yes, there is much much much more) We also bought Christmas fabric to make fabric bags. We're all past the ripping of paper (and God knows my back is way past done with the wrapping job) this year will be a bit labor intensive. However, it should make wrapping a breeze. Throw in a fabric bag and tie with ribbon. Good for my back and the environment. Now, anyone want to come over for a sewing party? I didn't think so. Ah, well, then more the merrier for me. I should get on that before it gets any colder in that room. I'd sure hate to freeze to the machine. HEY TIFFANY!!!!! I'll have to remember to post this idea to her....but her kids are still young. What else did I get myself into. Oh yeah, this summer, if everything works out like we think.....I'll pick D up from the U of M training camp and take her to starts, turns and breakout camp @ Mizzou. That's the end of June. Should be hotter than blazes. It's only a 3 day camp. We went to this great organic restaurant this morning. I'm thinking that dropping her off at camp, taking a long walk, finished by breakfast and hanging out downtown at all the little collegy places sounds like a nice change of pace. Speaking of which, I have three new ideas that will make me run for my very life. We'll see what pans out. It's time to make some job changes around here for me. I'm just not getting the hours where I am...so investigating I will go. More on that later, maybe.

Happy Thanksgiving

Okay, so I should be getting ready, but I'm not. I'm here instead. Imagine that.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving all!

I DID IT!!!!!!

My Central Park Hoodie Vest is done, done, done, done!!!!!

YIPPEE!!!!

Nope. i'm not excited at all.

1. It fits.
2. It is done.
3. It's not next summer
4. The zipper even works!!!!!!
5. It fits.

Damn, I'm excited. Now I just have to go find what I'm going to wear underneath it. I'm still SO STOKED. I love the yarn and I still love this project. Oftentimes, buy the time I'm done with a bigger project, I hate it. I LOATH it. Not this time. I'm so excited. The plan is to find a shirt and wear it to work on Monday. Life is good. AND I got the yarn on half-price sale. Damn, I love my life right at this very moment. The rest of the week has been touch and go, but right now is wonderful.

Other happy knitting news. The girls went to see New Moon tonight, and went through the lost and found in the theater. Not only was my knitting still there, but so was the few dollars I had tucked away inside. Ahhhhhh. So, I'm back on the Sultan Wollemiese socks. I'm doing a basic rib pattern on them. Oh, that's right, you've seen the done one....well, I'm working on a second done one so they can both be worn. Better watch out, I might have to buy a shirt to wear with them as well. Shit. I should wait until sales next Friday. Forget it. It's a couple of shirts. I need to be thankful if I can find a couple of shirts I like that fit. That's reason enough. If I waited for a sale to boot, I'd be forever shirtless. Talk about things that make you go "ewwwwwwwwww!" That'd headline my list.

It's midnight and I'm wide awake and happy. Sounds about right. It's nice. This is the first time in a long time I haven't been falling asleep. I was beginning to scare myself. I guess I've caught up now. Tomorrow's going to be a drag, but that is tomorrow's problem.

Any good plans for the weekend? Nothing scheduled either. (except for some grading I promised to do, and a paper to finish for D, and, and, and oh yeah, that housework that didnt' get all done....gotta iron, blah, blah, blah, blah) Doesn't sound like a great weekend. Who knows, maybe we can squeeze some good stuff out of a sucky situation.

I see you stopping by...don't be afaid to drop me a line! I love comments, even when I don't get to answering back.
Love ya Blogiverse!!!

Sometimes more information leads to more confusion

For those of you who read the insanity happening here in town, CLICK for a link to today's article.. I'm not going to go back there today for long. I did stop by to deliver a package for Dee's minnow mate. She's headed up right now to the State Swimming and Diving Championships. GO SAM!!!!!!!! ANd go Erica, Allison, Steph, Caitlin, Kiana, Lindsay, Madelyn and Elise. I saw 7 officers in the school on the way from the front door (where my purse and I were searched). I also ran into Katie. That was a pleasant surprise. She was on the way back to class. I'm not too sure which one of us was more surprised. I didn't like the tension I saw on her face, but life sucks like that from time to time. Right now, the decision is theirs on if they are attending or not. Thankfully Thanksgiving (irony, no?) break is next week. I hope that cools down some tensions.

So the rest of the day has been less than productive. I spun a whole load of laundry. I might make that two in a minute. No pressure or anything :D. I ran to the grocery store picked up the decorated brownie for Sam, bought 12 12-packs of pop (on sale) so I had enough to get a turkey at 59 cents a pound. (great logic, huh?) The rest of the day has been on spin deluxe. I gave up and watched Steam and knitted. The movie was fine. Not great, not bad, but the feel of the yarn through my fingers was priceless. I won't go into how the soft clicking of the needles immediately soothed my frayed nerves. I will tell you that I woke myself up snoring.

Now the girls are home. I'm pretty happy to be seeing them. I'm ALWAYS glad to see them, but today was with a bigger sigh of relief. They are all tense. I think it's time to head back to the store for a couple of missed ingredients for tortellini with ham and peas with a salad. Then I think Rock Band needs a work out. Beating on those drum pads will be wonderful. Then we have our Thursday night line up and Criminal Minds left from last night which translates into more fiber time. YIPPEE!!!

Life is too short and too stressful so PLAY HARD!

Very Disturbing

Monday night I got an automated phone call from the school telling me that there was a bomb scare for Tuesday and that everything possible was being done. Been there, done that. Then comes this big lecture about racial tensions escallating, and how, as a parent, I was to talk to my child. Okay, I've been doing that since, oh BIRTH. Not going there...yet. Then today, my oldest came home with reports of yet another fight. The one yesterday left a student hospitalized. STILL IN THE HOSPITAL. Okay, this isn't good. Now, nothing has been done to the people in the fight, because it was racially motivated. (or so the story goes).

How many of you readers are old farts like me? I don't EVER remember a fight that didn't end in immediate consequences. Now there is rumors of expulsion. Um, hello. If there's a kid in the hospital days later, I'm thinking this needs to be a LEGAL issue. I'm just sitting here wondering how it got this bad and what in the hell I'm supposed to do with it. I'd like to think I'm not racist, but I am to some degree. However, I've also lived by treating everyone with respect even if I don't care for them. I've tried to pass this along. HOWEVER, I am having issues swallowing the information that is trickling down to me. We have a bomb scare AND a fight that requires hospitalization on the same day, and I'm being told to be a better parent? Hell. I'm about to tell my kids to tuck and duck and forget the rest of it. Who in the hell is going to learn shit in this environment? I sure wouldn't. I understand tolerance to a point, but when in the world did we stop teaching respect and self/impulse control. Damn. If I smacked everyone who pissed me off, there'd be a mighty long trail behind me of people chasing after me to kick my ass. Flapping lips lead to smacking of fists, and it all snowballs from there. I have no idea where we go from here, but this train has been off the rails for quite some time to be this bad. I KNOW this isn't the first of it. Last spring, I had a kid in class who'd be smacked down the night before. I'm sure he wasn't totally innocent. Are we ever? But, really now......Ugh.

Can I just wrap my kids in bubble wrap and be done with it. Yes, I'm once again wondering how awful homeschooling would be....but it's the socialization I want them to learn, but learning how to put up with this crap seems totally unnecessary. Are my kids totally innocent, I doubt it, but like their momma, they've never been mad enough to want their ass kicked and know how to keep it fairly cool and let it out at home. (okay, so I struggle with the impulse control area.......but I've never been beat down, yet)

So other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how WAS the play?

UPDATE 7:14 pm

Got another automated message tonight. It was wanted for us parents to know that the students are discussing the events of the past few weeks, some of them true and some of them rumors. Tomorrow they will have an added advisement period at the beginning of the day to discuss fact vs rumor.
Then here's the following policy changes.
1. daily bag check "to see what each student is bringing to school"
2. restricted student movement
3. additional staff and police presence in the halls

Um, I guess telling the PARENTS the TRUTH was NOT an option? Holy smokes. I hate being patronized by a condescending voice who is obviously in over their head. There was supposed to be protocol written up for shit like this years ago. I sat through the damned classes. THIS is going to fix it? Nope. It's going to make everyone more cagy and angry. Welcome to yet another new normal. Boiling pot, meet more heat, add some oil and this is gonna get ugly. I hope I'm wrong, I really do.

I love my life.

I haven't said that enough lately.

Right now, I'm watching Olivia Newton John on youtube.

Wherever you go, whrever you may wander in your life...surely you know, I'll always wanna be there.
Bring back that 1968 Red VW Bug with the am radio and black seats. MEMORY LANE!!!!! I LOVED this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I89lfJsW3bE

I can't remember how I got that in as a video with Nickelback, and I'm honestly too tired to worry about it.

That's why life has been great for the last 10 minutes. (yep, mulitple plays)

Let's see. I woke up alive. That's always good. I had a great chat, made breakfast for the kids, sent them on their merry way (HA!!!!) I did some laundry, dusted a couple of rooms, rode the exercise bike, got a gift ordered, did dishes, ran to, from, to and from the ortho, and other such nonsense. OMG, I totally offended some mom in there. Our ortho has the old stand up video games in a side waiting area. They have 6 classics on each like Space Invaders, Ms. PacMan, Frogger, Donkey Kong (and the other two that I can't remember). Anyway, while we were waiting Dee and I were playing. We were having a blast. They called her so we both went back....well as I walked out of the room, you HAD to have seen the look of disgust on this mom's face. Really? REALLY. Get A Grip. Yep. I'm an adult, and I play free classic video games in public. I wasn't even keeping a kid from playing....there was an OPEN one. She couldn't have had a worse look if I had farted really loud. Amazing.

We did the crescent roll/hot dog thing for dinner, then off to the movies. I caught 2012. I wasn't sure if I was going to like it, but it was free in my world, so I gave it a shot. What a wonderful way to blow a Monday evening. I am also in love with the almost empty theater. I hate being crammed in like sardines. I also found more movies to put on the wish to see list. Damn trailers. i know that's the point, but still. This is getting as bad as yarn stash. There is just NOT ENOUGH TIME for all this stuff. I think this means I'm supposed to prioritize. Blech.

If the phone rings tomorrow, I'm am NOT going to the high school. There were a couple of bomb threats turned in today for tomorrow. I don't think it means anything, but I sure don't get paid enough for lockdown, that's for sure.

Eh. It's getting later by the minute (really now) and I don't suppose tomorrow will be any fun with less than required sleep.
Have a great Tuesday!

Randomness Reigns

Nope, I totally hate alliteration, can't you tell? Yeah, right.

I picked three random pictures from this week that I haven't already babbled about. While I wait for them to load to see what order I'm babbling in.....I'm going to babble about music. I love music. I bet no one has yet noticed. HA! I once tried to figure out my taste, but since I'm multifaceted, so is my music choices. For example, on the current playlist I have Buckcherry and Conway Twitty. Now who else do you know would even TRY to pull that off. I should hate Buckcherry, but I don't. I confuse myself! Maybe it's an attitude thing. Who knows. Pictures are up!


Blogland, meet Sam's blanket. Sam's blanket, meet my bloguniverse. I knew you two would get along. Dee's minnow mate this year is one very talented Senior diver. For sectionals, I made her this double layered fleece blanket. The closer to the end of the season, the colder the water (faster, you know)...and these girls get COLD. So, that's what we did for her. She has been a blast to buy for all year. She has such a great personality that she's just fun to come up with gifts to give her. State send off is Thursday. I have one more idea, I just hope it pans out. I'm so proud of her. I hope she does great and enjoys every minute of her experience. I'm also glad to see that breaking her fingers on the board earlier this season didn't dash her State hopes.


Ah, our garage. The J man and Katie spent hours over the past few weeks working on it. It was a disaster area. Now it is not. :D. Looks good, doesn't it? It's a crazy garage, though, cos there are two more rooms behind the main garage. There is also an attic over it. I could harbor criminals and never even notice!


Here's sock #1 from the coveted yarn dyer in Germany. I love it. Her colorways are beautiful and striking. The yarn has NO PLAY in it, but is so strong yet so soft. I cannot wait to get the other one done, so I can wear them all over the place. Funky socks are kinda like funky undergarments. You can be wearing the worlds most boring clothes, but underneath you can be having your own color party. I'm nuts, you know that? Yeah, me too, but nuts IS fun.....so Shelly public service announcement of the day is GO HIDE SOME COLOR. The more conservative your wardrobe, the more you are in NEED of some crazy secrets that scream your personality, even if you are the only one to see and know of it!

*whew* What a day!

Good thing I don't believe in stuff like Friday the 13th because this one sure had the makings. However, it all ended up good enough.

I had 2 job assignments for today....they backed up nicely to make a full day. Tuesday, the bigger one of the two was cancelled. NBD, or so I thought then. My phone rang at 630...the teacher who was scheduled to be gone had a sick child and the computer system wouldn't let her enter her absence. We talked for awhile, and she went on to call administration to make the call as her whole day would overlap my other assignment in the building by an hour. She called back at 7:10 to say that I needed to get over there. I did. After I had called her back, gotten the verbal lesson plans, found all the stuff and got ready to make copies....I walked into the office area to discover that another sub had been contacted by the computer line. It was one of those minor details that get all of us every time. Technically, it was her job. I could have stayed, I'm sure, but what's the point at being difficult? I've vented enough about how I hate the new system. So, I went out to breakfast with the hubby and took a nap. i went back for my afternoon assignments and all was good. What a crazy way to get out of bed and not get paid for the pain. I'll be interested to see if they throw an hour at me or not for that one. I care. I do, but I tell myself that I do not. What good is that going to do? Getting labeled as difficult to deal with will not help my cause at all in the future...and all over a few bucks? Nah.

After work, I ran the swimmer to practice, to home and we picked up Plaza for dinner. YUM! Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE mexican food? I LOVE Mexican food. We dyed hair (as her season is over, and the days of two-tones half grown out summer and chlorine bleached hair are over...and mine had gotten all nice and orangy again) and cleared off the dvr. Hubby and K went to Kato and had some 1:1 time. Life is good.

I fell asleep on the recliner again. WTH? I don't DO that kind of stuff until recently. I do now. And now it's 10:30 and I'm hoping I get tired again fairly soon.

OHHHHHHH! We got Netflix to stream through the PS3 today. I LOVE MY LIFE. I love movies. Hubby already caught Paul Blart this afertnoon and I'm about to finish up 10 Things I Hate About You. I'm guessing that I'm going to get one more watched before I go to bed.

SWIMMING CONTENT (run for your life while you still have the chance)
Remember when I said if you have a lane, you have a chance? Well, she had a lane, and she made the most of her chance. Did she qualify for finals tomorrow, Nope. Could I be any more proud of her, NOPE. She took 4 secs off of her fly and 5 off of her back...or the other way around) Her seed time was second to last in both races. (Hey, somebody has to be) She beat 3 other girls in each event. Nice work. She won both of her heats, the last on a come from behind touchout. How exciting can it get. AND she looked good off the walls. That was almost as exciting as the first time I saw her feet come out of the water. Good times. I believe 7 swimmers from here advanced to finals tomorrow and 3 divers qualified as well. How COOL is that?

KNITTING CONTENT (damn.....I'm on a ROLL here)
I've been knitting on the infamous Central Park Hoodie. As I can do NOTHING exactly by the rules, I'm making mine a zip up vest. Hey. It's mine, and I can do what I want to it. I've got about 1.5 inches on the finishing ribbing. I'm going for 2 inches or so THEN I'm going to do an i-cord bind off and put in my first zipper into a piece of knitting. *scary* I'm getting pretty excited. I'm also on the toe of the first sock of the Wollemeise Sultan that I have from Germany. This stuff is AWESOME. I hope I'm half as happy with the finished product as I am working with it. This stuff has to be the softest and strongest yarn I've worked with to day. love love love it!!!! I'll have to see how it wears.

Now, my last rant is about mold. Usually November is when I start getting an allergy break. NOT THIS YEAR. Apparently the corn here has a higher-than-normal amount of mold in it. SOOOOOO driving to and from everywhere that involves passing a field harvesting corn (ie EVERYWHERE besides in town) means I'm in trouble. Maybe that's why I'm falling asleep in places I've never slept before. *sigh* AND, I get to go back for an extra shot next week because I started a new vial Wednesday. Lucky, lucky, lucky me. I wish I could quit this stuff. I really do. Ah, well, if it wasn't this, it'd be something else, I'm sure. It's ALWAYS something.

Well, I'm not going to get any of that knitting done if I stay on here and type my life way. Have a great weekend and DO SOMETHING OUT OF THE BOX. Life's too short. Really!

Boy, do I know how to shut off the comments!

Guess I'm just talented like that. Still no knitting content. I DO have some, but it'll keep. Yesterday was all about our Vets. Today is going to be about swimmers, specifically mine. Now, this content is rated PG-TMI. I can't believe she didn't tell me that I couldn't blog this. However, I was instructed to keep it off of facebook. I can totally understand that. Here's some swimming 101. Most swimmers don't shave during the regular season. Why? Why do they wear drag suits and all other equipment used to make them stronger and faster....to build resistance (known as drag). Before a big meet (in this case, sectionals), they shave. The degree to which they shave is up to the swimmer. Back in my day of high school, our boys shaved their heads. It's all about getting as streamlined as possible. Below is her lower leg just moments before the coveted moment where she went to go about hair removal. She hasn't shaved since August, and it was driving her INSANE. That poor kid wore capri's in 90 degree heat....and wore tights to homecoming. Crazy? Nope, we call it committed.



Not pretty is it? Nope, but it takes a lot of tenacity at 14 to do whatever it takes. There are moments that totally amaze me. The best moment was the face filling grin I got when she came down and let me take a pic of her newly exposed calf. She yanked up the bottom of her pj leg and said, "I LOVE smooth legs" Double thumbs up, darlin'



Now...back to the point. I've tried explaining this to several people this year, and I'm pretty sure I've failed miserably. Swimmers are clocked to a 100th of a second. I've seen several ties this year, and not just in the shorter events like the 50 free. It's been ones that take a couple of minutes....six lanes and there are TIES. Swimmers fight for every last fraction of a second. Literally, races and meets are won and lost in less than a blink of an eye. So, for the big meets, they wear speed suits instead of the regular lycra ones and dehair as much as possible......because if you have a lane, you have a chance. There are no time outs, no half times, no substitutions, and no second chances.

How do I think she'll do? I doubt she'll make it out of prelims tomorrow. How do I feel about it? Fantastic. Several girls were fighting for the chance to even go to sectionals. She made it. Whatever happens from here is whipped cream on top of the sundae...and an experience of a lifetime. I can't wait to watch it all unfold!

Swim it like you love it!

Thanking a Veteran Day.

Short and sweet today. For those of you who are my friends on facebook, you've seen this before....but I thought I might hit a few more people this way.

Today is simple enough.

If you like your life, thank a veteran
If you hate your life.....change it and thank a veteran. Without them, you wouldn't have that choice.

Thank you Veterans. Two simple words that I hope can carry the enormity of what you've done for us civilians. Today is your day. May it be an incredible one.

Tuesdays not with Morrie.

Okay, okay, that was a good book. However, I didn't spend my day with Morrie. I did something better. I had a girlfriend date. I KNOW, right? I haven't done that in several weeks. What a breath of fresh air. We were gone most of the morning, and it couldn't have been better spent. Okay, on the beach with cocktails, maybe, but c'mon. This IS still reality, you know.

I've been exhausted this week. Too much stress and too little time? Yeah, that usually does it. I did a few shops yesterday. That was fun. We'll see how many I did right. (hopefully all) I checked the web, and so far there is no subbing for tomorrow. I could do a couple of public audits tomorrow, but they sure don't pay much. However, I am considering it. It depends if I have a ton of energy and need out of here or if I'm ready to tackle the house. Yeah, I wouldn't place bets on the house either. Cleaning has GOT to be one of the most overrated chores ever. Wash, vacuum, dust, repeat endlessly. However, it IS better than living without it being done. The top of my fridge totally needs attention. I tend to forget it. I can't see up there, therefore it doesn't exist, right?

I'm trying to remember how to play. Life's just to heavy for playing at the moment. When my brain stops weighing a ton, I bet I have a better chance. Maybe if I bought silly string.......I'd have a REALLY big mess to clean up! ack! No more of those.

Okay, here's what I'm tap dancing around with. I am supposed to forgive something, but in doing so, I have to allow myself to trust and open up for more hurt. I'm not finding the strength to do that. How do you forgive without letting the defense walls down? Can you? Are they two separate things or are they too intertwined? In my mind, they are a unit. If I cannot protect, then I am unwilling to forgive. No wonder all I want to listen to is hard rock. It's much easier to bang my head on the wall to the beat. Really. Is it really necessary to trust? Why can't I just live without it? Yeah, I know, not happening. Still. I hate this.

Ahhh, have I mentioned that I love music...and shuffled itunes?

Thank You ZBB.......toes in the water, ass is in sand, and I'm not going back again.
forget wahtever I was saying...I'm mentally OUT of here

Adios!

Wow, I didn't mean to cause a big ripple in the universe.

Holy everything. Wow. I thought I was free reeling thoughts out here in cyber space. I had NO IDEA the fallout I was going to feel.

Wow.

You know who you are. I know who you are. Relax. This is as deep as it gets and as raw as it comes. The world doesn't need to a grinding halt. I am not any -cidal, am I not depressed and I am not in the mood to to anything (too) rash. I am trying to sort out my world the only way I know how. Out in public. If I don't own it, then I tend to lie to myself. That is sin to self #1. Public, if you don't want to read it, don't. Really, it's all good. However, I need the accountability. I'm just wired like that. "that's just the way it is baby, you know" (wish I could remember how to make those musical notes, but too damn lazy to play around tonight to do so. NOT worth the effort.

Great, and now I've lost my ipod again. I would have sworn that I put it on the charger as it was the next thing to dead. However, I obviously was mistaken as it is NOT there. Grrrrreat. NOw how am I going to sleep. The normal way? Me? Give me a break. Moon's up. Not gonna happen. Crap. crap. Crap. "Now, Shelly, how do you REALLY feel about this?".......

We had a fire in the fire pit/stone shelter thing at the park tonight. Double thumbs up. I love controlled fire. Yummy. I love to watch it burn, poke at it, throw stuff in it. Ahhhhh, that was good. Too bad the bathrooms were closed for the season....and it was too dark to trust that porta-potty. Sometimes I girl just has to head home.

Crisis averted. It (ipod) had already fully charged and was waiting for me to take it upstairs. Silly girl. Is it too much to hope that the book I'm reading is going to appear magically before I go to bed? I think so...therefore I have pulled out a new one. Speaking of books, I'm reading what I'll dub as high school lit...you know, books aimed at that aged crowd. I 100% recommend Deadline by Chris Crutcher. It was totally worth the read. I don't care what age you are (okay, I wouldn't go younger than jr high) or what your gender is.....it was just a good book. You know the kind, the ones that keep you thinking on and off for days afterward. This was one of those. I'm sure it's not a piece of literary brilliance or anything, but it was my favorite type....smack you hard enough to make you think, but gently enough so that you're thankful that you've been smacked.

Tomorrow. What can I say about tomorrow. It's not here yet? Tomorrow's never are (bwhahahahahahahahaha). Laundry is always famously on the list. I think I want to make breakfast. I know, that sounds great at night. I'm sure tomorrow morning will be a different story. I'm dreaming french toast, crispy bacon and some kind of berries thickened up into come kind of compot/syrupy topping. I know. November, great berry season. Eh. I live in Minnesota, it's not like there is a big any kind of fresh fruit season...it's just how much I'm willing to pay. (It's beginning to sound a lot like frozen).

Not that I want anyone to be sick or anything, but I sure hope a few jobs open up next week. I'm ready to head back for some more self inflicted torture. It's a sickness, I tell you, a sickness. Hey, Thursday is Sectionals. I'm sure we won't be seeing Dee in the finals on Saturday, but I'm excited to go. I've heard this is a great facility they are swimming at, and I'm ready to be seeing some good facilities! LOL. Where, oh where, does the time go? I have no idea.

Nope, no deep digging tonight. I'm sure I'm too brain dead for that process. Now, if I could just become part of the sleeping community, more things would appear right in the world.

Sweet dreams

How can it be Wednesday already?

Isn't it crazy how some days take weeks, and others fly by in minutes? Yikes!

Thanks for the input on the last blog. I'm all over the map again these days. Shannon is totally right, I cannot waste precious time wondering why I'm on this earth. I AM on this earth, and I best be getting busy. I'm not sure at WHAT....but I'll find it. Apparently, this is my season for self reflection. Yippee? Yes, and no. It's tiring work, and there is no visible progress. Y'all know how I like to SEE results. I guess it's just not time to see.

It's funny, some people think I've changed dramatically, and others think not. Perspective IS everything. I really think I'm coming into my own. However, I have thought this before and have slid back into the same old ruts. I'm so done with ruts. Ruts suck. As Pastor Jeff always said (and I'm sure he still does) a rut is nothing but a coffin with the ends kicked out. Very true. However, the journey is scary. I have no idea where I'm going. (is this where blind faith kicks in...NOT one of my strengths) I have no idea where this whole experience is going to take me. Very scary.

I know I'm totally rocking the household boat. For this, I am sorry for the discomfort, but I'm not giving up on me. I cannot. I must not. The only way out is to keep going forward...to wherever that leads. It would be nice if I could keep patting everyone's behind and reassuring them that everything is okay, but I cannot. I do not know. What I think I want most is acceptance, unconditional love, support and the feeling of total security when I am at home. Home should be a safe haven. I don't want lip service or a string of pie-crust promises. I don't want my ass kissed (often). I want to be able to be comfortable in my own skin. Gee, that isn't asking for too much! LOL. I'm sure there is more. It's just not on the tip of my fingers, yet. Yes, I do. I want to feel safe, protected, important, valued, and validated. I want to be chershed, but not like I'm breakable. Good grief, if I were breakable, I would have been dust long ago. How does one achieve this? Alone, you can't. How do you tell someone how to give this to you? I don't think you can. I think it happens or it doesn't. This is where I get confused. Freud, Jung or Skinner. WHO DO I BELIEVE?!?! LOL. All I know is that I am unwilling to live without it. I'm tired of bridging the gap to keep everyone happy. It's not my job to make sure everyone understands and fully appreciates everyone else. However, since I want everyone to be happy, here I stand in the gap. I'm tired of making everyone else feel better, dammit. Yet, how am I supposed to let someone else take over if I don't want to let anyone in? Gah! I'm just not sure I'm up for one more round of anticipointment, unrealized promises or "it'll be better whens".

To publish or not to publish, that is the question. Do I really want this out in the unvierse? No. But then just as I typed this, I'm listening to Loverboy and no joke here were the lyrics, "I gotta do it my way or no way at all. I gotta do it my way, I gotta fly" Yep. So it's out there. Since I tend to live all in or all out this all grey area with no answers is complicated. I am not sure if I am looking forward or am afraid of the answers. Time will tell.

ACK. I don't wanna hit publish. Yet, I need to keep these words. I will want to remember this someday. Gah!!! (part 2)

WTH All IN