but that doesn't make me any happier to see it. Hopefully, it'll be short lived. I'm going to work on it.
Isn't it funny how life evens things back up again. The good news...if you're on one of those everything sucks rounds....things are gonna be great before you know it!!!!
Oh, and for the record, insomnia is winning tonight. 2:24am.....yeah. I'm not winning here.
I wish I could just pour it out and move on, but I'm emotionally constipated. Not a lovely visual, but when you're brain's stuck, it's stuck. I'm not very good at getting back up after something silly whacks me down. I'd like to be like those webil toys from when I was a kid (webils wobble but they don't fall DOWN) I'd love to be able to pop back up. I cannot find the right combination. I should NEVER have posted all that crap on Wednesday. I should have known better. I'd like to blame it on superstition. However, I'm sure it's not that, either.
I am confused. It's just that easy. I have no idea what I want to do, much less how to get there. I set too many limits on things (and sometimes, that's even a good idea, but not nearly as often as I do).
So, what makes me tick? What makes me happy? What makes me want to get out of bed and tackle whatever life throws at me? I do not know. I want to know. Scratch that I NEED TO KNOW. I've felt myself skate a bit over the past few days and I'm terrified of falling back into that hole. Yes, I know, I couldn't sustain that good of a mood, but I don't think it needs to be so durned far away either.
So, tell me, how do you figure out what is "it" for you? What made you realize what made your life as complete as any human can rightfully expect?
I look forward to hearing your ah-ha moments, and I'd really like to have a few (million) of my own.
And on that note...I'm going to go mark more time until I can figure out how to get some sleep. THEN I can get up and figure out what's going to make me sing tomorrow.
<3 ya!!!
Note: interesting side note. The time stamp must be from the time I started typing this post, or my computer clock and the blogger clock are NOT in sync. Interesting. I'm not sure I really care about the answer....but something to wonder about, just the same.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wet Wednesday.
No images. Y'all know what wet looks like. I'm finally taking today to settle down and kick back for a bit. I feel like I've done a marathon or something. I love when life goes the way it has been. Everything seems fun, all is good....even the crap, and there's sun in every day (mentally) i'm not sure how to keep this going, but I'm pretty sure kicking back and refueling is a good idea.
Things have continued at the same pace of insanity. I can't even digest it all. It's been a helluva ride, though. i do miss kicking back and knitting. I've been doing very little knitting. I KNOW, right?!?!? Ah, it'll come back. Good thing I don't have any deadlines. I do have a few challenges on Ravelry that I'm going to miss. I'm pretty sure I'm okay with it. I signed up all in good fun, anyway. It just increases somebody else's odds of winning, right? See. It's all good.
Are you still reading? I have no clue why. Apparently, this is one of those posts that I'm going to use to try to gather my thoughts together since I've been so mentally scattered. Hummm, maybe a list here would help. I like lists. Lists are good. They are straight up, to the point, lacking in bullshit. Dare I say that lists are Life Hardccore? Maybe not THAT far, but still.
What I've learned/noticed/rediscovered lately
1. Life really is good, even when it seems not so good.
2. Laughing is worth the tears
3. I'm a lot stronger than I thought
4. My girls are growing up entirely too fast
5. I cannot stop that fact
6. I'd better embrace the moment, because it's not going to wait on me
7. Pollen really sucks, but benedryl rocks
8. A power benedryl naps are unavoidable
9. Post Nasal Drip must be stopped at all costs! (lol)
10. Netflix movies streaming while keeping an eye on facebook while knitting is an awesome way to spend an evening
11. Music IS life.
12. Life without expression or communication is actually death. You're still drawing breath, but that's pretty flippin minimal
13. I can grow older, but I do not have to grow mentally old
14. Kids of today really aren't any different than we were, or our parents were. Really, all that's changed is the decorations and trappings
15. I 100% do not regret putting the girls so high on my priority list
16. I have no clue what I'm going to do when they are out of the house.
17. I need to start experimenting to find out what it is I'm going to do when they are gone.
18. Climbing trees is still fun....and the up is SO much easier than the down.
19. Apples you picked yourself taste so much better than the same apples from the same place bought in the bag.
20. I really, really, really like to drive fast. ( I know, bad.)
21. Music choices really do effect overall car speed.....some songs just require a heavy foot
22. There are more songs on the girls' can't listen to while driving list.
23. Does any other parent even HAVE that list?
24. Life is really, really short. Just skating by or marking time is unacceptable
25. Love is the solution to everything. Love of self, others and life. life's too short to hate. Go focus on what actually is going to bring improvement. how? IDK but Im up for focusing on the search, aren't you?
26. Never underestimate the power of being accepted and understood.
And then I tripped over this song
Things have continued at the same pace of insanity. I can't even digest it all. It's been a helluva ride, though. i do miss kicking back and knitting. I've been doing very little knitting. I KNOW, right?!?!? Ah, it'll come back. Good thing I don't have any deadlines. I do have a few challenges on Ravelry that I'm going to miss. I'm pretty sure I'm okay with it. I signed up all in good fun, anyway. It just increases somebody else's odds of winning, right? See. It's all good.
Are you still reading? I have no clue why. Apparently, this is one of those posts that I'm going to use to try to gather my thoughts together since I've been so mentally scattered. Hummm, maybe a list here would help. I like lists. Lists are good. They are straight up, to the point, lacking in bullshit. Dare I say that lists are Life Hardccore? Maybe not THAT far, but still.
What I've learned/noticed/rediscovered lately
1. Life really is good, even when it seems not so good.
2. Laughing is worth the tears
3. I'm a lot stronger than I thought
4. My girls are growing up entirely too fast
5. I cannot stop that fact
6. I'd better embrace the moment, because it's not going to wait on me
7. Pollen really sucks, but benedryl rocks
8. A power benedryl naps are unavoidable
9. Post Nasal Drip must be stopped at all costs! (lol)
10. Netflix movies streaming while keeping an eye on facebook while knitting is an awesome way to spend an evening
11. Music IS life.
12. Life without expression or communication is actually death. You're still drawing breath, but that's pretty flippin minimal
13. I can grow older, but I do not have to grow mentally old
14. Kids of today really aren't any different than we were, or our parents were. Really, all that's changed is the decorations and trappings
15. I 100% do not regret putting the girls so high on my priority list
16. I have no clue what I'm going to do when they are out of the house.
17. I need to start experimenting to find out what it is I'm going to do when they are gone.
18. Climbing trees is still fun....and the up is SO much easier than the down.
19. Apples you picked yourself taste so much better than the same apples from the same place bought in the bag.
20. I really, really, really like to drive fast. ( I know, bad.)
21. Music choices really do effect overall car speed.....some songs just require a heavy foot
22. There are more songs on the girls' can't listen to while driving list.
23. Does any other parent even HAVE that list?
24. Life is really, really short. Just skating by or marking time is unacceptable
25. Love is the solution to everything. Love of self, others and life. life's too short to hate. Go focus on what actually is going to bring improvement. how? IDK but Im up for focusing on the search, aren't you?
26. Never underestimate the power of being accepted and understood.
And then I tripped over this song
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Walnuts and Heidi Hats
Did you REALLY think you were going to get through this fall without hearing me complain about black walnuts? Really? Seriously? Yeah, right. No way. This year has been totally different from the previous 8 years. The leaves have some down while still green in huge clumps WITH the walnuts. Crap. That means we have to manually separate them. MANUALLY. Folks, that means raking, getting the leaves taken care of AND bending over and picking up each walnut one by one AT THE SAME TIME. Uncool. Very uncool. I'm guessing it's the three small snows we've already have had is the culprit. Still. Yuck. the girls have both today and tomorrow off of school, so I was planning on enlisting help then going apple picking this weekend. However, 39 and rain is NOT apple OR walnut picking weather. *sigh* Maybe I can find someone to put me on a benedryl drip Saturday and Sunday night so I can make it through the rest of the week without thinking I'm dying of something other than mold spores.
Kinda looks almost tropical, don't you think?
Here's the hat i started for myself and ended up giving to Dee. She's excited about the hat..........but apparently it takes about 14 picture attempts or less to rub off the excitement.
I went to my 20 year if I would have stayed there class reunion last weekend. Talk about blazing trails. There were so many firsts...unbelievable. I've never experienced that coming home feeling before. Overwhelming. If you get the chance, go. Yes, things change, people change, hell, life is change. Sometimes change is so good it'll surprise you. Go out and grab yourself some firsts too, it's empowering. I'm sure in time, the same old same old will drag me back down a bit, but until then......I feel like I can conquer anything. Give it a shot. Really. What do you have to lose? A rut? Boredom? Really....can't live without that, huh?
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